the season of giving.

it was december. i was 9 years old. we had just left rio rest mall with my parents' arms loaded with bags. my brother and i looked at each other with christmas excitement.

they filled the trunk, and got into their seats. my dad called back to us, "don't look in the trunk!"

i couldn't help it, i peeked over the seat. through the plastic, i could make out a barbie shaped box with the words "jem" written in bright yellow. i almost whooped out loud.

yes, yes, yes! that is what i wanted for christmas!

the sunday before christmas, my family traveled to my dad's father's home in cottonwood - the middle of nowhere. his father had remarried a younger woman, so they had children just a little older than my brother and myself. they lived in a one bedroom shack, with a dirt floor, no running water or electricity. they had two beds the family shared. we sat on one of the beds as my dad pulled something out of a sack he had carried in with him.

there was a pile of gifts out, for his three younger siblings.

they were thrilled, their eyes wide with disbelief, and i could tell that they weren't really expecting anything for christmas. this pile of wrapped gifts was truly a christmas miracle.

they eagerly tore off the wrapping paper, jumped for joy at their new fortunes, and threw their arms around my dad - their brother.

among those gifts, was a pink barbie-shaped box with the words, "jem" on it. my heart fell. in all honesty, i was disappointed. i had wanted that doll. i smiled, happy for them, and tried to push the pity i felt for myself, back where it couldn't be seen.

i didn't get a doll that year. i did get other gifts that i was just as excited and thankful for, but something else lingered for years after.

year after year, i watched my father give out gifts of food or toys to his family, to my mom's family each holiday season. they called him santa claus. 

that ninth year of my life, i learned an important lesson about the spirit of christmas.

***

many years later, i was married, and had a young son. my husband was in school and had a part-time job. i was a full-time mother and a part-time dealer of pampered chef items.

money was tight, and it was christmas time.

i had just paid a pile of bills when sam came through the door and told me he had rear-ended someone. 

perfect, just what i needed.

i had forgotten to be thankful that he was okay, that nothing serious had happened to anyone involved. instead, i was furious. more money out the window.

i slammed the bedroom door and started to cry.

just then the doorbell rang.

"monika, come here!"

i wiped my angry face.

on our front porch was a basket filled with sugar cookie dough, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, everything needed to make christmas cookies - and everything i couldn't afford to buy.

my throat clenched and i covered my face with my hands because i couldn't stop the tears from falling, again. sam hugged me, and we both hugged our son. 

my heart softened and i remembered what was really important to me.

i often think about this great gesture of kindness. they will never know how much it meant to me. their love and generosity eased my troubled heart, their kindness was contagious and it changed the ending of our very bad day. i've always wanted to repay that gesture, and the only way i could was to do the same for someone else.

***

two weeks ago, my cousin had posted that three families lost their homes in fires. three weeks from christmas, in the dead of winter, they were living in an unfinished building without any insulation. i gathered the kids and told them about the families and what had happened.

the kids quickly gathered their blankets, clothes, and toys to donate to these families. 

my heart must be mush, because their willingness to give everything they had, made me want to cry all over again.

the sunday before christmas, we stuffed our car with 6 rubbermaid boxes, and bags of food, and drove to my cousin's house.

we're new to the area, so we took a road we had never been on before.

it was a dirt road, and we prayed and prayed that our minivan would make it through.

luckily, it did (as we went 25 mph). we were even met by some friends.

it was a gorgeous drive, and we all really enjoyed the time spent together as a family.

i had never been to this area of the reservation.

we made it to my cousin's house, and dropped off the boxes and bags. mimzy did cry when she saw her toys taken away, but other than that, the rest of our hearts were happy.

i can never repay the kindness those secret santas showed me so many christmases ago, but i was grateful that i was able to help someone else in need and to lift another's burden just as mine was lifted.

the end.

there's a restaurant here?!

so this guy called me this morning.

he asked if i wanted to go out on a date...bring the babies, he said.

a date? where?

i had absolutely no idea there was a restaurant nearby.

the food was so good, i was thoroughly impressed.

so was this little man.

lunch dates always make me so happy.

thanks sam.

this afternoon, was isaiah's first basketball practice.

i was trying to get there in time to sneak a peak...

so, those pueblos on top of the canyon kinda look like this, except they are all connected.

i love this place. it is so cool.

the kids and their new school.

the dinner chaos.

i'm mentally exhausted by the end of the day. anyone else soooo over helping with homework? how was i ever a teacher before? makayah was reading the sentences adding this or that. for example: "we run past the tent...AND eat raspberries!" she thought it was hilarious.

i turn my back for 5 seconds and the babies are naked and dumping baby powder all over the rug.

thanks, babies. always so helpful.

the end.

Law office and Bball

so here is sam's office.

this is the building. there's been such a drastic change in what he does and how life has been for him since getting this job. he loves his boss, he loves that he is making a positive difference here. life is fulfilling, and that's more than i could ask for. i'm just so glad he's so happy.

isaiah had his first game tonight. sam raced over after work to watch with us.

don't they have an incredibly nice gym? the girls found another friend to watch with.

i was surprised at how many people came and how exciting the game was to watch. there are some amazing players. 3rd-5th grade ya'll. i'm serious, this game was a big deal. big enough that the parking lot was packed, and so were the bleachers.

isaiah did a great job for his first game. he's a little timid, he doesn't like to get in anybody's way, and doesn't like to be aggressive, and he's still learning all the terms. he's been on other teams before in wisconsin, but rez ball is different. rez ball is serious. ;)

great job isaiah!

and sam couldn't help himself. here are isaiah's magic b-ball shoes.

the end.

all in a day's work

we like to kick off with green smoothie mustaches.

we have so much work to do, we need all the nutrients and energy we can get.

spinach, banana, almond milk is our favorite - hey mo, we'll have the usual.

we haven't had a working dryer since we moved here. the place has hook-ups for propane, and our dryer runs on natural gas. there are two parts the size of pennies needed in order to convert from natural gas to propane. sounds like a piece of cake, doesn't it?

not really.

one part came just a couple of days ago, and we are still missing the second. we're pretty clueless about this LP converter junk. it seems easier just to round up the babies and make them hang up my laundry for me.

thanks, babies.

they like it. really, they do.

mimzy is actually really decent at it.

and it's quite calming.

the sun shines down, the desert breeze blows by, and it just feels so good to breathe in the earth as we hang our skivvies. just kidding, those stay inside.

and when laundry is clean and hung, it's time to make paint and paint.

it turned out pretty great.

i don't think i'll be buying this stuff any longer.

the end.

the view from saturday

we woke up early this saturday morning. sam had heard from his co-workers that there were hopi basket dances going on this month. we had never been before. i still feel quite sheepish admitting that i know next to nothing about our neighbors, the hopi. all this time growing up on the navajo reservation, and i've never even been to a basket dance. in my defense, i was just an ignorant kid, my mind and energy focused on surviving the misguided social throngs of grade school. anyway, we're back now, and we are taking full advantage of this great adventure.

like i said, we woke up early, early enough to see the sunrise, but not early enough for my mind to register getting the good camera out to capture it's magnificence. meh, next time.

we stuffed kids in the minivan as fast as we could, drove to the village atop second mesa, but were met with people walking down the steep road. darn, we missed the first dance. 

much to our happiness, we were told they were breaking for breakfast and would start again later. we also heard our tummies rumbling and thought getting a bite to eat would be a good idea.

we went exploring and drove to the local hotel and restaurant (i had no idea!). we sat down to a buffet style breakfast and omelet station. the food was good, the kids were wiggly, and by the end of it all, the pancakes were on the floor. we left a hefty tip and hurried back to the mesas.

taking photographs is absolutely not allowed in any of the villages. i clearly understand why. when indigenous culture is easily exploited and marketed (inaccurately so), i don't blame them.

the beauty and sincerity needs to be preserved, and so this is as far as the camera goes.

we drove up the curvy and twisty roads. higher and higher until we could see the tops of san fransisco peaks in flagstaff - hours away from hopi. the sun rays beaming through the rocks and landing onto the sandy earth below was incredible to see.

the pueblos seemed to be an extension of rocky mesa, wooden ladders jutting up here and there. kids ran from home to home, playing hide and go seek, laughing and squealing in delight.

the air was smoky from the juniper wood burning in the pueblo stoves, warming chilly hands.

i felt like a stepped back into time.

sam and i each grabbed a baby and walked up the steep steps carved into the side of the towering mesa. the fat baby made my lungs heave and gulp for air.

the older kids had called out to one of their classmates, and he joined us.

the talked and smiles spread across their faces.

it made me happy.

we reached the top where all the pueblos connect, creating tiny alleyways and a village square.

we climbed the wooden ladder securing a spot on top of the pueblo roofs with all the other people from the village. kids sat at the very edges, feet dangling, chatting excitedly. i prayed silently through my mini heart attacks that no one would fall off.

we had no idea what to expect. there were other visitors around, their hosts explaining meanings and what was going to happen. i wish i could hear them.

mosiah sat on the stone connecting the pueblos. the sun shone on his plumb cheeks, making his eyes squint. i wish i had my camera.

my kids saw other kids from school and pretty soon they were all running across the roof playing house, tag, and don't touch the chimneys. then, there was a faint sound of voices trailing on the light wind. the women had gathered, lined up with their baskets making their way into the village square. they circled around until everyone was in. it was a gentle rocking of ivories, reds, and blacks. those were the colors of their dresses and shawls.

sometime during the middle of their songs, the dancers with feathers began to throw gifts out.

people cheered and there was a thrill in the crowd.

i didn't notice at first, but suddenly there seemed to be a slow crawl towards the middle. the bigger, tougher guys had emerged. what was going on?

and then, the prized gifts were thrown.

there was so much energy. it was so much fun.

we even cheered for isaiah and makayah's friend when he emerged victorious with his gift after wrestling it free from two other kids who had pounced as well.

when the dance was over and the calm had settled, we climbed back down the ladder, walked carefully back down the stone mesa steps, and hopped into the car.

on saturdays we drive into town to stock up on our groceries.

we've made a little tradition of stopping in leupp at my uncle's food truck.

it was great visiting with him, laughing, making connections.

we continued on, running errands, buying food in bulk, and then heading back home by nightfall.

oh yes, and this was our stop at the mall. daddy needed a haircut, and we got to play.

saturdays are quickly becoming my favorite. i know it wears sam out, but i really look forward to our little trips.

the end.

halloween and hot cocoa

luckily, i had a ton of help from my mom last weekend with costumes. otherwise, i don't think i would've finished them all.

there was a mad dash after school to get to daddy's work in time.

everyone wanted to see the kids and apparently there was candy at every office building.

isaiah was indisposed, but i snapped a picture of the other three before their costumes could be ruined.

isaiah was "ryu," the street fighter. and makayah was dressed as "princess venellope" from wreck-it ralph. ryu is also featured in that movie. mimzy was "boo" and mosiah was "mike wazowski" from monster's inc. mosiah was too shy and cried at the office and didn't want to be in the picture.

we met up with daddy and he took us around to all the buildings who had candy for trick-or-treaters.

then, when we all came home, we split up. i took the kids around the neighborhood while sam stayed home giving out hot cocoa. we began our treating at the hospital in order to park sam's new car there. with all the people around, he didn't want anything happening to it.

she really made the perfect "boo."

every time we watch the movie, she yells out, "that's me! that's me!"

the neighbors go all out here. some had spooky sidewalks, lights, webs, all sorts of things. the kids had so much fun and TOTing took all evening long going around our neighborhood. there were so many people. our neighbors had told us to expect 300 hundred people. ours is one of the very few (3) neighborhoods in town. they all come here because the doctors (and now, lawyers) live here and they consider it the "rich" place.

when we had made our full circle, i sat the kids down to a movie and our halloween dinner of mummy dogs and monster dip and chips while i helped sam with the hot cocoa. it was busy and fun, and i think we will be better prepared for next year. next year, it's on!

we bought two cans of cocoa from sam's club at $8 each, and a bag of 540 plastic cups. we were left with 20 at the end of the night! not too shabby.

the end.

all hallow's eve.

i'm still trying to organize and sort things out in our new place. it's really hard to do that when there are babies undoing (ok, perfect timing - mosiah just shattered a drinking glass) everything i do.
so, in order to keep them occupied and away from heavy boxes, we made paint today.
yep, MADE. we have two very small convenience stores in our town. i don't think they sell paint. and if they do, it's probably really expensive. so, we made it. it was super simple and i had all the ingredients like, corn starch, food coloring, oil, etc.
they had fun, i got things done, and when their mess was complete - the paint was not permanent. thank heavens.

this boy loves pushing his pink cart and basketball. 

and pretending hangers are bows with imaginary arrows attached. who taught him about bows and arrows anyway?

because i had been so preoccupied with unpacking and organizing and cleaning, i felt really guilty about not spending enough time with my babes.

i asked them to do their chores so we could start on all the fun projects i had planned.

this is what happened instead...

we got all the craft junk out.

and hurried as fast as we could before daddy had a heart attack from craft mess.

after many tears and tantrums over sharing and taking turns, we ended up with this.

and this.

our all hallow's eve also involved cookie decorating...

and pumpkin carving.

it turned out pretty cute. the other pumpkins are being saved for pumpkin pies and more cookies.

at the end of the day, after tears were wiped and the emotional burden of sharing was lifted, we all watched a halloween movie (the nightmare before christmas) to calm ourselves.
sheesh, who knew being nice could be so difficult and draining?

i tried really, really hard to keep my cool and be patient, and thankfully i was. i really want my kids to be happy for the time we are here. i want them to remember these fun activities and i want them to smile when they think back on their childhood times. it's difficult juggling a move and children and husband. i'm doing the best i can to stop being the mean mom, the yelling mom, the distracted mom, the mom who says no all the time. i'm getting there. slowly, but surely. and right now, i think i deserve a boat load of chocolate. but these halloween cookies and a movie will do.

the end.

happiness is warm sunshine, love, and swimming.

the days have been warm and lovely. 

most times we are outside on the patio.

mimzy was quiet this morning. she walked over to the fence for a while. then over to the side of the house near some rocks. then here, by the beautiful, flowering weed bush. she was so quiet, i asked her what was wrong.

she looked at me, "nah-ding. i so happy."

good grief child, melt my heart.

and this kid is happy, too, if you couldn't tell.

he's most happy when he's eating dirt.

what can you do?

the weekends are awesome because we get to go to nana and umpa's house.

the kids have been begging to go swimming, and we finally had time this weekend.

rez roads are perfect for driving practice. i used to do this all the time at my grandma's house.

the kids love "driving."

but i think they like swimming at umpa's pool the most.

we may live in the prairie desert, but we know where to find the oasis. 

makayah and isaiah jumping into the freezing water. the heater had shut down and the pool was slowly being warmed back up. these two were daring each other to jump in, and had the best time freezing their buns off.

auntie renee joined us in the hot tub...which was nice and warm. these kids don't like sitting still for pictures. makayah thought it was the best time to splash isaiah in the face with a huge slap of water.

thanks, mak attack. ;)

baby mo doesn't like swimming. but he does love sitting with umpa every time he eats.

my mom said us living so close was a dream come true. she always imagined her grandkids coming over, and when it didn't happen and when we moved far away to the midwest, she resigned herself to treasuring the once a year visits. but, now we only live an hour and 20 minutes away.

dream come true.