a healthy dose of honesty

several months ago i heard a radio interview with j.lo. the disc jockey asked her, "how do you do it all?" she laughed and said, "i just take it one moment at at time, and i enjoy every moment."

a few days ago, i was watching the daily show and jon stewart was interviewing her and he asked her, "when do you sleep?!"

she put on her happy face again, laughed again, and said, "it's so busy, but the twins are great travelers and i was afraid they'd be tired, but we all had so much fun..."

and everything was so perfect, yada, yada, yada, yada...

after both interviews i laughed, too. i laughed because, as great a mom as i'm sure j.lo is, that was all just a load of crap.

tiny tangent...but still related...

and then, there was some event that amy poeler gave a toast:

http://youtu.be/zpV6tsvn-WI

thank you, amy!

...which brings me to tonight's thoughts.

first off, i love my children. i truly love them. i would do anything and everything for them, and come to think of it, i practically have. there are days when the stars have aligned, when i pop out of bed full of energy and those pesky mom hormones (you know, the ones you don't realize are hounding you after you conceive a baby - and then think are gone after giving birth to the baby, but are still secretly lingering around until you finally decide to completely ween your baby off the teat?) - yeah, those hormones, are nowhere to be found - and i'm bubbly and sweet and patient and kind, and i create a wonderful day filled with hands-on activities or trips to the zoo or museum or park. the days are smothered with hugs and kisses, and topped off with an organically healthy and delicious homemade meal in my pristine kitchen, and it's then when i think, 

"damn, someone should give me an award."

BUT - yes, it's a big but - those days aren't every day. sprinkled into those fantastic days of award-worthy motherhood, are days i drag myself out of bed because i have to. i'd rather stay in bed and get an extra four hours of sleep because i had a teething baby the night before who needed comfort and cuddles, but the mornings require me to feed the older kids and send them off to school. days when time drags on and on, and all i want to do is turn on blues clues and let "joe" babysit my toddler because my energy and happy feelings have all been zapped. afternoons and evenings when i'm overwhelmed by housework and would rather not do it and just serve pb&j for lunch and dinner. nights when my patience has run thin and all i can do is count down to my children's bedtime before mom is turned into a monster.

does this make me a bad mom? absolutely not. it only makes me an honest one, a mom who can relate to all other moms, and even women in general. my friend wrote a post about how women do the most damage to other women - why is that? women feel this need to be perfect and sometimes better than another to feel validated. i thought about her post and realized i'm not always honest in my dealings. i carefully select images - the more perfect and happy images - of myself and my family, my mothering, my "wifery," my talents, and then display that for all to see. and it's so easy to get it out there. "look! look at me! i have perfect children. i'm the perfect mother, housekeeper, wife, etc." i laugh as i write this, because i know i have a very long ways to go before i am perfect in any of those things. and yet, to some degree, we all do this.

back to j.lo. like i said, i'm sure she tries her best, like all of us, to be the best person she can be. but does she really do it all, herself? and here's where damage can be done. women look to her and think she does it all. that her life is perfect. that she is perfect, and this dishonest portrayal starts to make us feel bad about ourselves and our weaknesses. why can't i bounce back that soon after having a baby? why can't i be a better mother like her? why can't i enjoy every single moment?

the truth is, no one does it alone. everyone has some kind of help, whether it's from a spouse, older children, siblings, parents, family members, friends...NANNIES, personal trainers, chefs, housekeepers, etc. no one does it all on their own, no one can. and it's all a load of crap if they say they do.

we all need help, we all need someone to say, "you're doing a great job, keep going."

do i do that for my fellow sister? am i quick to give encouragement? am i quick to give compliments? am i quick to give assistance?

there was a lady in the mall the other day, and i was in GNC looking for GNC type stuff when my two year old started having a meltdown. i tried calming her down when i overheard an older woman glance over at me and say, "ugh, what was that? i can't hear you with that kid screaming!"

i stayed longer than i was going to, just to irritate her more.

when i grow up, i don't want to forget my struggles. i don't want to be those nagging women who forget how hard times were, forgetting how imperfect raising children and living life really was. i want to be the person who says, "you're doing great." the person who opens the door for the mother struggling to steer a double stroller past. the person who gives out compliments, freely and with sincerity, lifting up people's spirits.

there's no need to feign perfection - especially in motherhood/womanhood. we are all sisters. we all struggle. we all need someone to connect with.

today, i really wanted it to be one of those award-winning days. it wasn't. i was tired and cranky. the house was a wreck. the baby was sad and teething. we were late for church and i really didn't want to be for the 4th sunday in a row. the kids were fighting about silly things like chores and who does what and "mom this, and mom that!" it all sounded like nails on a chalkboard. my head was pounding. we were all suffering from cabin fever...and i had to enforce an early bedtime because i just couldn't take it anymore. 

just before bed, isaiah asked if we could hit the restart button. and makayah asked if we could do all the fun things we were going to do tonight, tomorrow. yes, and yes.

thank goodness for restart buttons and tomorrows, because tomorrow i have some making up to do.

Potty training

i started my morning with a workout and yoga. i was going to give potty training a go today, and i needed all the good vibes i could muster.

mosiah tried to get in on the yoga action, too.

i had seen a post from a friend when she was potty training her boy. he was bottomless and she said it worked quite well.

i tried it out for mimzy.

wow.

i've successfully potty-trained two children. one boy, one girl. my boy was easy. my girl took a bit more effort, what with all the actual sitting down and wiping properly.

however, in all my years of potty-training this has worked the best. there were no accidents. even if she was watching her favorite show or playing her favorite games, she'd jump up and say, "oh! potty!"

she made it every time.

it was great! and i think she'd be potty trained now if we didn't have to interrupt her training when the kids came home. the busyness was too distracting, that, plus she had to put underwear on - and that just confused her. i'm not too anxious about getting her out of diapers, so, we'll do this little naked bum potty training exercise every month until she gets the hang of things with underwear on...and when school is out and i can give a consistent amount of attention to my mimzy.

still, wow! fantastic job mimzy! that was a great week of trained mornings.

the end.

embracing the years

sunday

another year has gone by and i can't help but be completely grateful for each day of it. as i think about this past year i am reminded about the wonderful ups and downs, yes, i said wonderful. at the time, the downs sure don't feel wonderful, but as i look back i realize how the challenges pulled our family together. hardship made the sweet moments, sweeter. falling down instilled humility and change for the better. triumphs, great and small, are cause for crowfoot-sized partying. and laughter with the ones you love is absolutely priceless, and should be savored.

there was a time when i welcomed the elaborate fanfare and excessive attention from one and all on my birthday. maybe i'm finally growing up and have become aware of what is truly important; because all i wanted was to make each one of my babies feel special, to allow my sniffly husband extra time to sleep in this morning. i was absolutely content in cuddling with my babies and sam on the couch as we watched movies, eating pizza and triple berry pie. birthday bliss.

my life would not be as rich as it is without all the amazing people who i have come to know, who i am honored in calling my friends.

love would not be the same without my parents, sam's parents, the siblings (and their spouses) we share, and all the wee-little cousins we are so fortunate to have. 

aunts and uncles scattered across north america have showered us with affection and care as if we were their own.

this birthday is not about me (although, my parents just called gushing about the day i was born - and that made me feel pretty darn special). this birthday is about all the spectacular people who i get to share spectacular moments with. what fun is another year of life without these shared moments with friends and family?

it's true - all you need is love.

the housework can wait.

bring on the blankets, the wiggly toes, hugs, kisses, and sticky fingers.

today i am grateful for:

*growing older, and sharing the time with my family while i do.

*pie.

*lovely birthday messages from friends and family. thank you!

birthday weekend...

saturday

sam and the kids were buzzing around me, constantly asking what i wanted to do, and what i wanted to buy in terms of birthday gifts. i thought, and thought, and i really couldn't think of anything i wanted - anything material, anyway. makayah asked what party theme we were going to have. her plans were so elaborate, "okay, so we're going to have an aloha cake with flowers all over, and we can all wear our dresses from hawaii."

my vision was a bit simpler.

our first stop was barnes and noble. i love bookstores. i hope to one day spend an entire morning, afternoon, and evening there sipping hot chocolate and pouring over books, uninterrupted - sitting across the table from sam. 

anyway, however much i love books, i was looking for something special for someone else. i bought the bananagrams game for my special little man, isaiah. i asked if he'd be my date one of these nights and stay up a little past his bedtime so he and i could battle it out over popcorn. ;)

and mimzy, well, all she wanted was to be swung by daddy...

next up:

i wanted to get makayah's ear's pierced because she had been begging me for the past couple weeks. there were tears and an accusation of lying on the part of the ear piercer (she said it would be a SMALL pinch, but it was a  HUGE pinch!). however, once the tears were blinked away and she could see the new sparklies in her ears, she was beaming.

i didn't want to spend too much time in town. i wanted to get home with enough time to start our movie madness. so, we hurried ourselves over to bulk buying heaven. purchased groceries with a few party foods thrown in. i wasn't about to make my own birthday cake so, when i saw the box of various cheesecake, i got it. i may or may not have also purchased a triple berry pie for tomorrow's celebration as well. 

we raced safely home, took out the party food, gathered the blankets, brought up the large floor cushion, and had the best cuddle ever while continuing our lord of the rings movie marathon. isaiah and makayah each asked, "what about presents? aren't we going to give you your presents now?" 

"we're doing presents right now. all i want is to hold you in my arms as long as i can."

and that's exactly what i did.

it was so much fun, we did it all over again the next day...after church, of course.

today i am grateful for:

*the cheesecake song by louis armstrong. a jig was required in order to partake of the cheesecake. if you haven't heard it, look it up. it is such a fun song.

*the sweet smelling scent of each one of my little ones' heads.

*the chance i had to give a gift to each of my children on my birthday weekend.

*sam. in spite of his sniffly-ness, made my birthday weekend restful and relaxing. thank you.

homeschool practice run

today was a snow day. i can't tell you how thrilled i am when i roll over in bed, check the school website and see that bright red lettering announcing "NO SCHOOL." thank heavens. everyone took it easy today, no rush, no tears, and a relaxed breakfast.

the snow day provided a perfect time to have a homeschool practice run.

we began with circle and music time, and after, began our project work for the day.

first, we had to grind the wheat.

it was pretty loud.

next, i let mimzy work on her fine motor skills, scooping oats from the can into the glass container.

everyone begged for their turn. they think they're having fun, but really they're just doing my tedious house chores. ;)

we had read, "if you give a moose a muffin," and thought it appropriate to make muffins. we also made granola. we measured, and wrote out the ingredients for each recipe, then we compared and contrasted the lists.

the moose muffin.

the granola.

the best part is enjoying the end product of all our research.

our "school" lunch.

the kids loved having school at home, and i thought it was pretty fun, too. i haven't taught or really done any real teachery-type things for a while, what with having babies and all.

however, i just don't know if i can keep up with all demands of the curriculum. i would love to teach my kids at home and have that extra time to spend with them. i'd love to go out on field trips and do research projects with them. however, it is quite exhausting. i'm not gonna lie. after our full day of learning, i had to put my feet up and grab a cheat treat. 

maybe when the babies are a little older, when naps and feeding times don't interfere with class routine.

until then, i'll just have to write the teachers and let them know that i don't want the kids playing video games at school. yeah, i think that would be the best option. ;)

not to worry, kids, we'll still do fun stuff every chance we get when you're at home. 

the end.

Prepping for homeschool

i've been toying with the idea of starting homeschool with the kids. a couple weeks after they returned from christmas break, they'd come home telling me that they were playing angry birds and bejeweled on ipads at school. but mostly, i just really hate getting up at 6:30 every morning and the headache of rushing kids off to the bus by 7:30. 

i made this calendar for our "play" school for now.

i've been researching montessori teaching methods and i think it'll be a great blend with the project approach that i'm used to - and that the kids are used to. after researching, i re-organized the basement again and packed up all the non-relevant toys.

i also broke out my old lesson plans from my teaching days. it was all quite exciting.

in between all the prep, we took a break for sensory and art time.

i gave mosiah objects of various textures. he wasn't sure about some of them...

the wire mesh was his fave.

samiyah experimented with baking soda and colored vinegar art.

she examined even closer with her magnifying glass.

the finished piece.

when isaiah and makayah came home, they couldn't wait to try.

it was a success all around.

everyone loved this, and it was so easy. i think this will become a regular in our rotation.

the end.

homesick.

i was determined to have a productive day today. winters have a strange way of sucking out all of my energy with the frigid and icy air. it makes me want to snuggle up in a blanket all day long and read.

unfortunately, my day requires me to be out of bed by 6:45 to make breakfast, pack up the kids for school, get them on the bus by 7:30 with kisses on their cheeks (and kiss the hubby goodbye, too), change the morning baby diapers, feed the babies, etc, etc, etc. 

needless to say, i haven't had the time to lie in warm blankets all day long, much less catch up on blog posts. so, back to the beginning, i was determined to have a productive day. lucky for me, i have an amazing husband who cleaned the house last night, so i could jump right into my "fun" to-do list.

i turned the music on, got my homeschool prep supplies out, and got to work.

but then, it seemed like every song reminded me of Madison.

1. train/drive by: shopping errands at target, copps, and wholefoods.

2. f.u.n./we are young: picking up isaiah and "o" from school.

3. asher roth/g.r.i.n.d: cleaning and morning dance parties with mimzy in our apartment on ascot lane.

4. bruno mars/just the way you are: dropping off mak at preschool.

5. ceelo/forget you: working out at the YMCA

6. soulja boy/kiss me through the phone: driving downtown madison and picking up sam from class.

7. ne-yo/closer: BLSA (black law student association) dances at brochach.

once i thought of all of these Madison memories, i thought of more Madison memories. i thought of the zoo, the library, the cultural diversity, the museums, the lakes, the parks, the farmers market, the plethora of delicious restaurants on state street, and how everything was only 10 minutes away. i thought of my lunch friends, dinner friends, movie friends, work-out friends, and my book club friends.

sigh.

i miss Madison.

i miss Madison especially during the Sparta winters. There was always something to do and someplace to go. I miss my kids' friends, teachers, and doctors.

i miss everything.

i'm really grateful we only live two hours away. i'm glad we can visit at least once a month.

but what happens when we move from Sparta, and perhaps from Wisconsin altogether?

i'm so torn. i really, really miss living close to family. but that would mean moving away from Madison.

Madison has been the most family-friendly, diverse, educated, eclectic, and accepting places i've ever lived. it ranks #2 as best places to raise a family. i want to be closer to family, but there's a big part of me that wants to move back to Madison.

when we first moved there, i never thought i'd get so attached. we had such an amazing time there, and i guess i'm reluctant to give that all up so soon. i'm homesick. 

i'm homesick for Madison. 

****

today i am grateful for:

*the productive day i did have in spite of being homesick.

*the opportunity i have to make our short time in Sparta a wonderful and adventurous experience.

*our new friends in the Sparta area. i just wish they lived closer. ;) 

Leeches

most of the time, sam and i make a breakfast smoothie, because it is fast.

mimzy expects a healthy serving in her cup every time.

and when i finally have time to make myself a bowl of breakfast lentils/eggs...these two swarm around me until they've eaten it all gone.

they like to eat my lunch as well. i really thought kids preferred PB&J to lentils and spinach...

and this is just a funny picture of mimzy. she found my red lipstick and smeared it on her eyelids like eye shadow.

the end.

things we do.

mornings are chaos at our house - no matter how much i prep the night before. there are grumpy kids woken to early for their liking, and pre-selected outfits that don't match their moods. there are lost shoes, or wet snowpants that weren't hung to dry. there are tangles of hair that must be tamed. not to mention, breakfast and packing lunches.

mimzy likes to add to the chaos by getting herself dressed and running after the kids as they head out to the bus stop next to our house. this is a typical mimzy winter outfit.

when the hectic morning has calmed, we make our way to the basement. mosiah is teething and has been sad, but he still puts on a happy face for the most part. see the drool?

hectic has turned to apprehensive as samiyah engages in dangerous activities despite my constant protests. being on "repeat" can get old real quick.

sometimes, all you can do is make sure there are no hard or sharp objects around...

i successfully distracted her jumping from things with this shaving cream activity.

we drew circles, but mostly we just enjoyed our fingers being goopy.

i forgot to add this finger painting mimzy did a couple days ago. it is refrigerator-worthy, that's for sure.

Baby days

mosiah is growing so fast. he's more adventurous and walking along anything he can pull himself up on. i was eating breakfast and was startled to find this little guy under the table.

the babies love exploring new things, so i grabbed a bunch of stuff and we had ourselves a little sensory activity.

mosiah wasn't so interested in spool threading as he was at gnawing on the wooden spools.

mimzy actually did a really great job at threading.

that's the extent of our productivity today.

Sniffly

we've all been quite sniffly this week. when mom is sick, nothing gets done. this is how the house looked before i went to bed last night, and i couldn't muster up enough energy to care.

i really had to get rid of this cold so i could start functioning again. i'm hoping this juice will do the trick.

mosiah had a watered-down version and devoured it.

but there must've been some clumps, because the bottle kept getting clogged. daddy was such a nice guy and helped fix it.

this is mosiah's i-love-you-because-you're-feeding-me look.

despite feeling sniffly, dress up still went on.

hide-and-go-seek still happened.

and beauty shoppe was still a go.

and unfortunately/fortunately, i was one of the participants. i'm sure being jabbed in the eyes with makeup brushes is better than being jabbed with a needle at the doctor's office, but it still hurts. ouch!

lazy sunday. the end.