halloween and hot cocoa

luckily, i had a ton of help from my mom last weekend with costumes. otherwise, i don't think i would've finished them all.

there was a mad dash after school to get to daddy's work in time.

everyone wanted to see the kids and apparently there was candy at every office building.

isaiah was indisposed, but i snapped a picture of the other three before their costumes could be ruined.

isaiah was "ryu," the street fighter. and makayah was dressed as "princess venellope" from wreck-it ralph. ryu is also featured in that movie. mimzy was "boo" and mosiah was "mike wazowski" from monster's inc. mosiah was too shy and cried at the office and didn't want to be in the picture.

we met up with daddy and he took us around to all the buildings who had candy for trick-or-treaters.

then, when we all came home, we split up. i took the kids around the neighborhood while sam stayed home giving out hot cocoa. we began our treating at the hospital in order to park sam's new car there. with all the people around, he didn't want anything happening to it.

she really made the perfect "boo."

every time we watch the movie, she yells out, "that's me! that's me!"

the neighbors go all out here. some had spooky sidewalks, lights, webs, all sorts of things. the kids had so much fun and TOTing took all evening long going around our neighborhood. there were so many people. our neighbors had told us to expect 300 hundred people. ours is one of the very few (3) neighborhoods in town. they all come here because the doctors (and now, lawyers) live here and they consider it the "rich" place.

when we had made our full circle, i sat the kids down to a movie and our halloween dinner of mummy dogs and monster dip and chips while i helped sam with the hot cocoa. it was busy and fun, and i think we will be better prepared for next year. next year, it's on!

we bought two cans of cocoa from sam's club at $8 each, and a bag of 540 plastic cups. we were left with 20 at the end of the night! not too shabby.

the end.

all hallow's eve.

i'm still trying to organize and sort things out in our new place. it's really hard to do that when there are babies undoing (ok, perfect timing - mosiah just shattered a drinking glass) everything i do.
so, in order to keep them occupied and away from heavy boxes, we made paint today.
yep, MADE. we have two very small convenience stores in our town. i don't think they sell paint. and if they do, it's probably really expensive. so, we made it. it was super simple and i had all the ingredients like, corn starch, food coloring, oil, etc.
they had fun, i got things done, and when their mess was complete - the paint was not permanent. thank heavens.

this boy loves pushing his pink cart and basketball. 

and pretending hangers are bows with imaginary arrows attached. who taught him about bows and arrows anyway?

because i had been so preoccupied with unpacking and organizing and cleaning, i felt really guilty about not spending enough time with my babes.

i asked them to do their chores so we could start on all the fun projects i had planned.

this is what happened instead...

we got all the craft junk out.

and hurried as fast as we could before daddy had a heart attack from craft mess.

after many tears and tantrums over sharing and taking turns, we ended up with this.

and this.

our all hallow's eve also involved cookie decorating...

and pumpkin carving.

it turned out pretty cute. the other pumpkins are being saved for pumpkin pies and more cookies.

at the end of the day, after tears were wiped and the emotional burden of sharing was lifted, we all watched a halloween movie (the nightmare before christmas) to calm ourselves.
sheesh, who knew being nice could be so difficult and draining?

i tried really, really hard to keep my cool and be patient, and thankfully i was. i really want my kids to be happy for the time we are here. i want them to remember these fun activities and i want them to smile when they think back on their childhood times. it's difficult juggling a move and children and husband. i'm doing the best i can to stop being the mean mom, the yelling mom, the distracted mom, the mom who says no all the time. i'm getting there. slowly, but surely. and right now, i think i deserve a boat load of chocolate. but these halloween cookies and a movie will do.

the end.

happiness is warm sunshine, love, and swimming.

the days have been warm and lovely. 

most times we are outside on the patio.

mimzy was quiet this morning. she walked over to the fence for a while. then over to the side of the house near some rocks. then here, by the beautiful, flowering weed bush. she was so quiet, i asked her what was wrong.

she looked at me, "nah-ding. i so happy."

good grief child, melt my heart.

and this kid is happy, too, if you couldn't tell.

he's most happy when he's eating dirt.

what can you do?

the weekends are awesome because we get to go to nana and umpa's house.

the kids have been begging to go swimming, and we finally had time this weekend.

rez roads are perfect for driving practice. i used to do this all the time at my grandma's house.

the kids love "driving."

but i think they like swimming at umpa's pool the most.

we may live in the prairie desert, but we know where to find the oasis. 

makayah and isaiah jumping into the freezing water. the heater had shut down and the pool was slowly being warmed back up. these two were daring each other to jump in, and had the best time freezing their buns off.

auntie renee joined us in the hot tub...which was nice and warm. these kids don't like sitting still for pictures. makayah thought it was the best time to splash isaiah in the face with a huge slap of water.

thanks, mak attack. ;)

baby mo doesn't like swimming. but he does love sitting with umpa every time he eats.

my mom said us living so close was a dream come true. she always imagined her grandkids coming over, and when it didn't happen and when we moved far away to the midwest, she resigned herself to treasuring the once a year visits. but, now we only live an hour and 20 minutes away.

dream come true.

self-sustaining stuff we are learning to do...

we found this fuzzy, gray caterpillar on our sidewalk. the kids wanted to keep him as a pet, and since we gave our fish, sharkbait, away when we moved...i figured it would be okay. our fuzzy caterpillar kinda turned into our science project. last night he curled up into a ball, cozied up next to the big leaf, and in the morning, he had spun himself into the chrysalis. the kids have also learned new words like, "metamorphosis." i don't know exactly how long these things take, but isaiah has experience with caterpillars turning into butterflies and he says it takes weeks. good thing he remembers things from kindergarten. i never did anything that cool when i went to kindergarten.

so, the topic at hand. when we moved here, our first sunday at church was great. we had come from a branch that we were struggling to go to and when we attended church here, everyone instantly became family. we didn't know a single person, except for sam's boss and his wife (who had come over with the best homemade bread we've ever eaten). anyway, our church is part of a gardening program that spans the navajo and hopi reservations. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (long name, i know), created this program to help the people living on the reservations to learn how to become more self-sufficient and self-sustaining. long story short, we are learning how to go back to our traditional ways of working the land and living off of it in a harmonious way. it's an amazing thing this church is doing for the people here. i also signed up for a box of pears and apples.

a week later, i had a ton of fruit i needed to do something with. i was clueless.

my mom has this massive garden and orchard in her backyard. as kids, we were in charge of weeding. i don't remember much about the rest. we helped her can peaches, jalepenos, apples, raspberry jam, strawberry jam, etc. the thing was, the seven of us siblings were all in an assembly line. i think i was in charge of peeling stuff. my mom took on the massive chore of working with the boiling water - a sacrifice i didn't know to appreciate until now. i asked her questions, she gave me her extra canning supplies, her extra canning jars, everything i could ever need for canning, actually.

i came home. i read the booklets, i read the online blogposts. do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that, or you will get botulism and die.

ack! what did i get myself into?!

if anyone has seen me cook or sew, you will know that i have an extremely hard time following directions and instructions. i dump extra ingredients in, i leave ingredients out, i take shortcuts and don't care to cut along the lines. i skim all the important notes. i began to panic, just a little. my palms were just a tad clammy, probably not the best thing for handling boiling pots of water. this was going to be difficult.

i enlisted helpers.

this handsome guy poured the pear applesauce into the clean jars.

this girl belted out in song and dance as she pulled the stickers off the fruit.

this girl bruised more fruit than was called for, but she got them from the box to the counter, and i guess that's all that matters.

and my most essential helper. he peeled and handled the heavy equipment.

in the end, we had to re-do some of the first batches because after i re-read the instruction manual from beginning to end, i found out i skipped some important steps. ha, typical.

we might've dropped a boiling pot of water in the process, and i might've added way to much cloves to one of the batches of applesauce...oops. but, in the middle of nowhere, who knows when we might need these fruits of our labor. i'm pretty darn proud of myself. it only took 30 something years to get over my fear of canning. lets just hope i don't die of botulism now. 

someday, i will be as awesome as my mom, growing pretty things like pumpkins in my backyard.

i'm excited for this pumpkin to metamorph itself into pies.

the end.

a day in hopi land.

when isaiah and makayah go to school, it's time to get dressed and eat breakfast for the babies.

a swimsuit seemed like a viable option, what with the warm weather and all.

when mimzy says prayers, she says, "and peez love me."

i don't think Heavenly Father is going to have a difficult time granting that one.. 

and sometime during the morning is the perfect time to have an anxiety attack about boogers on your finger. yeah, i'd be grossed out, too, kid.

but, when the boogers are gone, it's time to help mama out with her workout...

and make a mess in the pantry, because mama didn't have anything else to do today. and because mama really loves even having a pantry, it doesn't even matter.

and when all their energy just can't be contained a second longer, we head out to the playground in buggies and on bikes. this is the best place to ride, there are hardly any cars about, it's great.

and then there's snack time. her cuteness just kills me.

in a good way.

and when isaiah and makayah come home from school, they bring back even more adventure.

here's makayah's "fossil." i think it's actually an old canine from a coyote.

and that was our day.

the end.

anniversary weekend at big cheese...

it was our anniversary weekend. as soon as sam came home from work, we were off to my parent's house. i looked around and drank in my surroundings. it is so amazing being home, and being so close to my family. i absolutely love it.

the moon was huge and fabulous. i wish my dinky little camera could capture the magnificence of it, but, oh well.

10 minutes away, the kids were all screaming out, "we want nana's house!" and "i want umpa!"

so, they were a bit disappointed when we arrived at my parent's house and they weren't allowed to get out. we all caravanned to big cheese in gallup. i have very fond memories of big cheese pizza as a little kid, how awesome to go back at my 10 year wedding anniversary! haha.

it was a good thing i worked out all week long so i could pig out, guilt free.

umpa was so nice and got balloons for the babies.

we came home after pizza and there was cake.

cake on faces...

cakes on kisses...

and cake in tummies.

thank you, mom and dad.

today was wonderful.

it is so fun being here.

one decade later

he had called six times and left three messages. i had only seen him twice. the first time i met him, he asked our mutual friend if we were dating. the friend said no. he asked if it would be okay to ask me out. the friend said, "you can try, but she's a man-hater. she won't say yes."

the second time i saw him was that following sunday at church. i said hello, and being sarcastic, said, "it's good to finally see you here." i hadn't ever seen him at church before now. he replied, "it's good to be seen." my face flamed. who does he think he is?! the nerve. his cockiness! ugh.

i actually saw him once more at a public event. he smiled in his salmon colored shirt, his khaki pants, his hair perfectly tousled. he was quite irresistible, but i'd never let on. we might've said hello, or just smiled from across the room,
i can't remember.

the next morning, i listened to all three of his messages. i called him back, and accepted his invitation. the night we went out, we walked to a nearby cafe. after dinner and surprisingly smooth conversation, he borrowed his cousin's car and we went out for ice cream and a church dance. you can imagine how lively that was. somehow the people around us found a rhythm to dance to songs like "500 miles" and "cotton-eyed joe." i remember exactly what he wore, because i remember sitting outside the dance talking all the get-to-know-you talk, and thinking...i could kiss this guy someday...maybe. when the night ended, he walked me to the door and shook my hand, like a gentleman would,
and said goodnight.

first loves hold all the excitement of first dates, first embraces, first kisses, first quarrels, meeting parents, teary-eyed proposals, and "i-do's."  the excitement rises, but there is always an insecurity that follows these firsts. one minute you're madly in love, the next you're in a passionate argument. voices rise. misunderstandings, jealousies, insecurities, distractions, all the silly games of not showing too much emotion, and testing to see if the water is safe. this business of falling in love - it's a delicious platter of sweet and sour all at the same time.

i never wanted my love to grow cold and stale like that of older couples. i was young and stupid and thought that being madly and wildly in love was what lasting love was. it isn't.

two years ago, my girls were in the middle of a swarm of butterflies. mimzy, being very young and ignorant, ran through the swarm with such a thrill. she tried to catch them, and they fluttered away in a panic. she shrieked and laughed, and continued bouncing through. makayah, being a little older, and a little wiser, and a little more gentle...she stood very still and the butterflies slowly came to her. they landed upon her hand, and she was quiet and only watched. their fluttering wings calmed as they began to trust her.

in the beginning, there is a flurry of butterfly panic. butterflies fluttering nervously, darting here and there. curious. anxious. insecure. flirting with new adventure, new love.

i took far too much time on my appearance, hoping i looked just right. i thought far too hard on my words, hoping i was funny enough and smart enough. we loved each other with an ignorant love that was unrestrained, furious, thrilling, frantic, distracted, and selfish. a love like this can only last for so long until it cries out for real nourishment, to be tamed and cultivated.

we've weathered such arguments spinning around money, parenting, and whether he is right or i am. we've held each other's hands through grief and loss and pain. we've thrown our heads back in laughter and joy in things as simplistic as children's first words. we've shared the floor of a bomb shelter in switzerland, a kiss beneath the eiffel tower, a lover's quarrel in rome; stranded in bismark, north dakota, broke in san francisco. we've cried on each other's shoulders as we say goodbye to former homes and memories. we move across the country, wandering the land and taking in adventures as our family doubles in size. we rejoice in each other's triumphs and accomplishments, learning to support one another - practicing patience, sacrifice, and encouragement. we've endured storms of harsh words and outside trials. we've relished in the absolute and unconditional love of welcoming new babies into the world. we are secret-keepers for each other, and hold all that is sacred in all the years we've been together very close, protected inside our hearts.

it might've taken ten years for these jittery butterflies to learn to trust, to slow their panicked fluttering, to finally feel secure in their environment - but it's happening. a tiff, a difference of opinion? the wind may blow and we know that the butterflies will return. this love we've tried so hard to cultivate has a safe place to land and seek refuge.

i was wrong so long ago in the infancy of my love. i now look at the older couples around me and take note. they have weathered the storms, they have become the safe havens for each other through hard work, diligence, loyalty, and endurance.

my heart swells to know that he will walk through my door at the end of his day, and back into mine. and although my face may be bare of makeup, dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt, i relish in the security that he loves me more than any other day before this one. and i know this because, i can't think of a single time i've ever loved him more than right now. i can only pray that we have the strength and determination and the heavenly help to last for forever. 

i'm in, if you're in.

 

happy 10 ten years, sam.

i love you like crazy.