my girl.

there was a time when this day was filled with sadness, loss, and sorrow.

there was a time when my heart grieved whenever i thought about december the 28th.

six years ago, that heaviness was no more.

six years ago, i eagerly entered the hospital room and awaited your arrival.

i heard your first cry and cried tears of happiness.

i saw your perfect face and fell in love, instantly.

you came into this world with two black eyes from doctors pulling you out into this life.

you, so delicate and tough all at the same time.

you have been the cause of great rejoicing, laughter, and plain old fun.

you entertain us with your spunk and quick wit.

you belt out songs with such gusto it is impossible to ignore. and your graceful ballerina dances always leaves me with my hands over my heart.

you, my sweet and precious daughter, have become a light in my life where darkness used to creep.

your love of life and love for others remind me how amazing this world truly is.

you have spectacular talents of art, music, and words that leave me breathless or shaking with laughter.

i look into your dark and magical eyes, transfixed by the beauty which radiates all around you. i think of how lucky i am to have had the chance to hold you in my arms, to listen to the sound of your giggles, and to kiss you goodnight for the past 6 years. i treasure every day.

and at a time when families are enduring tragedy of loss just weeks before, i thank my Heavenly Father for another birthday i had to celebrate with you.

always know that i love you dearly.

know that i am imperfect in my duties as a mother, but i really am trying my best.

know that you are deserving of true and unconditional love, that you are to be respected, adored, and cared for. don't ever think you are undeserving of such things, for you are a daughter of God;

and always remember to act as such.

i love you with all i have. and i thank you for the light and love you have brought into my life. i no longer look upon december the 28th with dread and sorrow. since you have entered into this world, you have brought me peace, comfort, and happiness, on this day and every one after.

happy birthday to my lucky star.

i love you forever.

a somber reminder to appreciate life.

two days before friday, december 14th, my hands shook, my heart broke, and my eyes suddenly welled up with tears. the unexpected panic attacks frightened me. i looked around, terrified i might lose one of my children. the pain surged through my trembling soul just thinking about it. knowing that i could lose any one of these precious souls slowly broke my heart. it wasn't until sam came home and asked about my day that i fell into his arms and broke down completely.

i don't know what was wrong.

why was i feeling this and why now?

two days later, on friday, december 14, there was a shooting at an elementary school. 

my heart broke all over again, this time for every child involved, for their families, for their pain and suffering, for what lay immediately ahead of them.

yes, i knew the little ones taken were safely with their maker, but it doesn't make their families miss them any less.

my soul was heavy with grief.

and just when things seem bleak and dreary, the clouds part and the sunshine has a chance to twinkle through.

we were grocery shopping as a family. a little girl came up to sam with a package and a note attached. she was performing 26 acts of kindness.

i was extremely humbled. the kindness and selflessness of this girl brought such an amazing amount of hope into this world for me. there is still so much good in this world there is still so much love. and just like that little girl, i need to do my part, and i need to teach my children to do theirs.

the next morning when samiyah wanted to "help" me with dishes, i said, why not? messes, suddenly, weren't such a big deal after all.

when it was time for our fun friday movie, i gathered my children close and held them tightly.

we made a trip out to green bay to see our extended family and friends. we took our time getting there, enjoying and appreciating the lovely views.

my beautiful babies.

the joking and laughter was a welcome relief from the troubles of the world. we didn't get to see everyone - some were sick and out of town. we cheered on the packers from the comfortable powless home. and we stayed the night with our good friend, sandy and her grandkids. :)

we made it back to sparta just in time to practice sitting reverently and quietly.

when church was over, we made cookies. samiyah was curious about the molasses (we made gingerbread men for our advent activity) and she dipped her hands into the bowl, and even with the hefty amount of molasses she sampled, she wasn't crazy about it.

fresh snow fell, and the kids dared each other to run out and smash their faces into the snow. it was hilarious.

for family home evening, we checked another item off our advent activity calendar. we went out for hot cocoa and donuts in wisconsin dells. then we bundled the kids up to go christmas shopping at the semi indoor outlets. it was cold, but we had a great time together.

this week, i am grateful for:

*my children.

*my husband.

*and for their safe-keeping. 

more advent activities and a trip to the ER

we started this week out with a bang.

we headed out to lacrosse and took pictures with the mall santa, bought christmas cookies, and before the weekend was over, we ended up at the emergency room. 

samiyah had climbed up the shelves, grabbed the nail polish, thought it was makeup, and brushed the polish over her eyelid.

i heard her screaming upstairs, ran up, horrified, whisked her away to the sink, and tried my best to flush everything out with water.

we wanted to make sure she was okay, so sam took her to the hospital and they used this neon goop to reveal foreign objects/substances. she was okay. 

prayer really works.

we took christmas pictures, individually, and then spliced them all together. this is so much easier than wrangling kids and forcing smiles!

sam took the kids sledding. 

we all played in the snow as part of our advent activity.

we made a snowbunny, and caught the fresh falling snow on our tongues.

christmas treats are a must after playing in the snow.

when we are home alone - while everyone is at school and work, this is what we do.

mimzy sprints the kitchen floor.

she hates wearing clothes. i'll attempt to dress her for the day, but by midmorning, she is running around in a diaper.

the bulk of my day is spent thwarting her escape plans and moving things back to where they belong.

mosiah is quite easy. he's become a fast crawler and will sadly be losing his baby fat, but despite his crawling skills, he's still not as fast as i am. 

he's easily contained. mostly, he just eats and cuddles. i do have to keep the floors constantly swept and vacuumed, though. he puts everything in his mouth. and whenever i sweep, he races over like it's a buffet. yuck. 

it's usually mimzy's leftover snack food that scatters the kitchen floor. she's in this weird phase where she likes to crunch on veggies, and then spit out all the sinewy and seedy parts. i get it.

the ever wonderful "my do" phase is always a treat. i try to help her fix her shirt - "no! my do!"

i help her cut up her lunch or dinner food - "no! my do!"

i try to help her brush her teeth - "no! my do!"

things just became 10x longer to do than normal. sigh.

the great remedy for the "my do" phase is actually letting her do things.

we made teething/toddler biscuits. she did the bulk of the work, and i was super proud of her. she's quite the fiery independent. 

she enjoyed the fruits of her labor the best, i think.

another advent activity included construction paper, glue, paint, and marshmallows.

it was supposed to be a snowman craft. the focus turned out to be devouring marshmallows.

and there's always room for playing "flying frosty!" just a new game we made up. it was a blast - a tiring leg workout blast, but a blast, nonetheless.

a letter from santa, and other weekday happenings

we began the week with this little guy, trying to walk along the couch. he's 8 months now and testing out the strength and steadiness of his legs.

whenever he eats, i love watching his wiggly feet. they are so boyishly big, i love it.

mosiah loves his highchair, mostly because he loves to eat.

in an effort to supply some kind of "fun" and entertainment, i brought out the jar lids for them to play with. it kept their attention far longer than any toys out. they're always into my kitchen stuff, anyhow.

toys are overrated.

mimzy bumped her head and ended up with a bandaid. honestly, i can't remember how she came about it, but she can add this to her collection.

i know it's winter, but this little lady could care less what the weather is outside - she is determined to wear her swimsuit until a beach and warm sunshine appears. make your voice heard, kiddo.

we had a really great surprise in our mailbox this season. santa's letter came along with a hitch-hiking elf. our elf, rocko, from last year came back to us.

the kids' eyes almost popped out of their heads.

the christmas season is always full of magical treats.

after reading the letter, the kids were set to write letters of their own to santa claus. mimzy is confident in her writing skills, i think she knows she's gonna get what she wants.

isaiah and makayah's letters were adorable.

dinnertime was short and sweet.

as part of our advent calendar activities, we made cookies together. everybody helped with something.

oh, they were sooooo good!

the weather hadn't yet turned crappy, so we enjoyed the crispy air and bundled mo up so he could join the family, too.

he really couldn't move much, and i suspect he became bored watching everyone run around and have fun without him.

during the day, it can be tricky finding activities that mimzy actually wants to involve herself in for more than a minute.

with much supervision, we practiced cutting paper with scissors and a sliding paper cutter.

during mosiah's nap, we went outside for a game of hide-and-go-seek, and big ball soccer.

snack time didn't go over too well. she'd crunch the bell peppers and spit them out wherever she pleased. thanks mimzy.

mosiah was up from his nap and saw mimzy riding her "hee-haw." he longingly looked on, and i could tell he really, really wanted to ride that "hee-haw," too. 

he crawled right up, and i helped him on. he rocked back and forth, giggling his throaty giggle.

we had blueberry oatmeal pancakes for our silly saturday breakfast, like we usually do.

most of it ended up on baby faces, but that's why it's silly saturday.

our good friends came over for dinner and pictures on saturday night. did i mention, we love having visitors? well, we LOVE IT! surprisingly, we've had so many visitors while we've been out here in sparta, and it has made us feel so loved and special - thank you!

unfortunately, mosiah came down with a double ear infection this past week. i'm glad i took him in to get checked out. i'm so worried that i'll miss something like this and my poor babies will be suffering needlessly. anyway, i'm glad he's feeling better, besides the teething part.

and there's isaiah. he's helping us edit christmas photos. he's a good kid.

the end.

My beautiful wife

december comes again

changing batteries and cleaning out the car before the crappy weather hits.

hmm, well, the kids were supposed to be cleaning out the car. they were distracted by a "treasure hunt."

driving around sparta, the all seeing eye. creepy.

wisconsin terrain. i think it's gorgeous this time of year.

sisters.

while i'm going crazy trying to throw things together for dinner, makayah and isaiah are huge helps with the babies. makayah has learned to read and it is so helpful seeing as mimzy loves being read to.

we officially begin our advent calendar activities.

holiday dance parties are in full effect.

the kids wanted to decorate the tree all by themselves. i have such bad mom ocd, and it was really difficult to release such a task without "fixing" placements. but i did it, and i survived. however, the ornaments didn't have as much luck with mo around. he's like a little kitten.

there goes the tree.

poor teething baby. all he wanted to do was cuddle.

the following day, both babies ended up with coughs and sniffles.

the colds didn't last that long, and mimzy was up to her shenanigans again.

stealing daddy's blueberry pie. he thinks i just blame things on her. i had to take a picture for proof.

mimzy's new thing is pretending to be a kitty.

Mimz: meow, meow

Me: oh, what a nice kitty!

Mimz: ROAR!

yep, basically.

is it too much to ask for her to keep her clothes on?

apparently so.

oooh, i thought i had her this time.

a tour of daddy's workplace.

courtroom, traditional clan statues, office,.

he's legit.

the end.

thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of my favorite times, not because of anything historical, but simply because it allows us a time to reflect on things in life that we are thankful for.

*sam - thankful for late night runs and a delicious thanksgiving dinner provided by his work. families were invited, but napping babies prevented me from making the party.

*thankful for our friends from madison who came to celebrate thanksgiving with us.

they are like surrogate cousins. the kids were ecstatic about being able to play together - and i was ecstatic to catch up and visit with their mama.

we were all thankful for the perfectly warm fall day which allowed us a beautiful walk amongst the colorful trees.

*i'm thankful that everything turned out but the pumpkin seeds. if i had to fail at something, i'm glad it was the pumpkin seeds...

mosiah had his first taste of turkey. he liked it.

*we were all thankful for a lazy afternoon of fun movies and games. sam took the boys upstairs to play risk (so mimzy wouldn't wreck the game).

however, mimzy was fast asleep, napping off her turkey dinner.

it was sad to see the day end, and our friends drive back to madison. but we were so grateful they took the time to be with us.

we have this tradition, of sorts, that we all cuddle up, eat thanksgiving leftovers, and have a movie marathon. sam chose anne of green gables. he didn't have to, but he loves me, and i'm thankful for that.

i am thankful for family and friends.

the end.

Breakfast in bed

there was no special reason or occasion.
maybe it was just a "thank-you."
at 6:00 in the morning, my son came into my room with a breakfast tray.
he had prepared a bowl of cheerios for me.
it was such a loving gesture, and it warmed my heart.
thank you for the breakfast in bed, isaiah.

crowfoot kid activities

*playing with knives shouldn't be on the list, but somehow this baby managed to find a lost swiss army knife underneath the sofa. um, i'll take that, thank you very much.

*lots of reading goes on around here. when the baby isn't playing with knives, he is perfecting his scooting technique. he's getting around.

*we like to paint our nails blue, just because we can.

*and sometimes, we attempt to play board games for family home evening. however, we only ever get to play for 5 minutes before samiyah runs across the board and throws the money in the air.

we grumble, gripe, laugh, and just have to wait until she goes to sleep to continue the game.

the end.

8 isn't great, it's awesome!

just after you were born, i went out shopping for baby sleepers for the upcoming winter. you must've been only a couple months old. unsurprisingly, i grabbed the wrong size and didn't realize it until i came home. size 4?! that seemed lifetimes away from here and now, and your tiny newborn self. i planned on taking it back, because it would be forever until you'd be able to fit in a size four. days went by, and i forgot to take the package back. before i knew it, you were blowing out four candles on your birthday cake and those humongous sleepers were actually just the right fit.

i know i say this all the time, and you are probably tired of hearing it, but how in the world did you grow so fast?!

today you are 8. last night as i was cataloguing movie clips for your birthday video, my throat tightened, my eyes stung and all i could think of was how grateful i was for each and every day of each and every year that dad and i have had the pleasure of watching you grow.

we've witnessed your first

cry,

tears,

giggle,

crawl,

your first spoonful of butternut squash  (which was your absolute favorite, by the way),

your first day of school.

we've held your soft skin against ours,

we gave you your first bath,

pulled your first tooth,

kissed you your first kiss.

we've watched you grow into an incredibly honorable young man.

you protect your little sisters and brother, just as you should.

you stand up for your friends.

you are respectful.

you are honest.

you are virtuous.

you are helpful.

you are so very fun.

you are kind.

you are loving.

 i am utterly amazed at what a righteous young man you are. despite my failings and shortcomings as your mother - although, i've done my very best - you have taken the very best pieces of life and it's teachings and exemplified these qualities. 

i am so proud of you, especially at this very special time of your life. you are eight years old. you have been preparing to be baptized. you are now responsible for your actions, good and bad. and deep inside my heart, i know you will be making the right decisions that will make you happy in life. i know you will continue in helping and serving those around you. i know you will continue to stand up for what is right, honest, true, and good. yes, you will make mistakes. dad and i will always love you in spite of them. use these mistakes to learn and grow from. pray, repent, and always remember you are a child of God, and He loves you.

you are so much more than i ever was. i know i'm your mom, and it may be a little backwards, but you are an extraordinary example to me. you motivate me to be a better person everyday. you inspire me to dream and accomplish my goals. you fill my days with joy, laughter, and love. your sweet face brings back special memories and comforts my aching heart. and i can't help but feel something heavenly and unearthly about you. 

you are my hero.

happy birthday, my handsome boy.

we love you forever.

happy number 8.

having just returned from a big trip, we wanted to have something easy and low-key. i decorated the house with balloons to surprise isaiah in the morning.

before heading out to church, we had blueberry birthday pancakes.



isaiah had requested split pea soup for his birthday dinner.
for dessert we had captain america cupcakes and red "superman" juice.
it was a comfortable evening of cuddles, movies, games, and chasing after balloons.

happy birthday to my favorite eight year old.

we are looking forward to the many wonderful things you will accomplish this year.

we love you forever.

Happy Birthday Isaiah! (homevideomashup)

Here is a highlight reel of your life thus far!

- Love Dad

recouperating

this week we are resting from our trip. morning buses were missed on a couple of occasions, dishes piled up, and mounds of vacation laundry had to be faced.

it was quite uneventful.

here are the highlights.

*mimzy show and tell - just after her diaper change. "baby, this eww gross."

by the look on mo's face, i think he agrees.

*she's so incredibly perfect, i could stare at her for hours if she'd only stay still and stop making messes.

*mimzy is like a doll. one of those poop and pee dolls on steroids wreaking havoc wherever she goes. but she's just so dang cute about it.

*after a week of getting back into our regular routine, we were due for a family movie night.

there's nothing better. well, maybe family movie night in hawaii, but still...

the end.

Last day in Hawaii

all good things must come to an end.
we really were sad to leave this place.

we packed up our "home" and checked out. a couple days before, a family who was leaving left us all of their extra groceries. they had also left us with some pool floaties which we used last night at the resort pool. swimming beneath the black sky and popping stars is quite magical.
but, now we were the ones packing up and giving groceries and pool toys away.

we dressed for one more dip in the ocean.
it was a good thing we had time - the waves were ginormous! i'd never seen waves so tall. the kids and i stayed safely near the edge of shoreline while sam - dangerous man - ventured out with his board. if you're wondering where the babies were, they were in a makeshift cave of beach towels. it was incredibly windy, and the babies were napping anyway.
sam caught a few stunning waves and rode into shore. there was a lady who went a little too far out and just got hammered by one particularly extraordinary wave. she was okay, but i made sure to scoot just a little closer to the sand, just in case.
all in all, it was incredibly fun.

we'll miss you 82 degrees of perfect sunshiney weather.

we'll miss you waikoloa resort - you were a good home to us the last 9 days.

we'll miss you open island roads, cruising along to island music.

we'll miss you passion fruit juice, and passion fruit tarts, and passion fruit jam.

sigh.

we picked up food for a picnic and headed over to the park and ate our dinner.

we survived the security check-in, barely.

at times like these, i wish i were an octopus with 8 arms.

while we were waiting to board, we met a family from calgary. she and her husband were traveling with two small children. she said, the time in hawaii is so unbelievably perfect - but the airplane rides quickly make up for that, and you pay the price for days of perfection.

truer words have never been spoken.

our flight left around 7. it was a short one to oahu. there, our flight was delayed. the kids fell asleep and we ended up carting them around on luggage carts and wheelchairs. we didn't leave until midnight.

we had to wake our sleeping children to board the midnight plane - it was not happy. i don't blame them. the kids slept on the flight to L.A., but it was impossible for sam and i sleep while holding babies. we dozed off here and there - but sitting on a plane for 6 hours is horrid in itself. at least it wasn't an 18 hour flight to europe all by my lonesome with my firstborn baby and lost luggage. ugh, airplanes.

so, from L.A. we fly to phoenix, then texas, then minneapolis.

we reach minneapolis at 9pm on sunday.

we were in and out of airports from saturday at 7pm to sunday at 9pm. 26 freaking hours, only to come back to 22 degree weather and snow flurries.
we still had a 2 hour drive ahead of us.

we were beat down and exhausted.

we raced home and fell into our beds. i think i'm going to be out of commission for a few days.

the end.