it was december. i was 9 years old. we had just left rio rest mall with my parents' arms loaded with bags. my brother and i looked at each other with christmas excitement.
they filled the trunk, and got into their seats. my dad called back to us, "don't look in the trunk!"
i couldn't help it, i peeked over the seat. through the plastic, i could make out a barbie shaped box with the words "jem" written in bright yellow. i almost whooped out loud.
yes, yes, yes! that is what i wanted for christmas!
the sunday before christmas, my family traveled to my dad's father's home in cottonwood - the middle of nowhere. his father had remarried a younger woman, so they had children just a little older than my brother and myself. they lived in a one bedroom shack, with a dirt floor, no running water or electricity. they had two beds the family shared. we sat on one of the beds as my dad pulled something out of a sack he had carried in with him.
there was a pile of gifts out, for his three younger siblings.
they were thrilled, their eyes wide with disbelief, and i could tell that they weren't really expecting anything for christmas. this pile of wrapped gifts was truly a christmas miracle.
they eagerly tore off the wrapping paper, jumped for joy at their new fortunes, and threw their arms around my dad - their brother.
among those gifts, was a pink barbie-shaped box with the words, "jem" on it. my heart fell. in all honesty, i was disappointed. i had wanted that doll. i smiled, happy for them, and tried to push the pity i felt for myself, back where it couldn't be seen.
i didn't get a doll that year. i did get other gifts that i was just as excited and thankful for, but something else lingered for years after.
year after year, i watched my father give out gifts of food or toys to his family, to my mom's family each holiday season. they called him santa claus.
that ninth year of my life, i learned an important lesson about the spirit of christmas.
***
many years later, i was married, and had a young son. my husband was in school and had a part-time job. i was a full-time mother and a part-time dealer of pampered chef items.
money was tight, and it was christmas time.
i had just paid a pile of bills when sam came through the door and told me he had rear-ended someone.
perfect, just what i needed.
i had forgotten to be thankful that he was okay, that nothing serious had happened to anyone involved. instead, i was furious. more money out the window.
i slammed the bedroom door and started to cry.
just then the doorbell rang.
"monika, come here!"
i wiped my angry face.
on our front porch was a basket filled with sugar cookie dough, cookie cutters, frosting, sprinkles, everything needed to make christmas cookies - and everything i couldn't afford to buy.
my throat clenched and i covered my face with my hands because i couldn't stop the tears from falling, again. sam hugged me, and we both hugged our son.
my heart softened and i remembered what was really important to me.
i often think about this great gesture of kindness. they will never know how much it meant to me. their love and generosity eased my troubled heart, their kindness was contagious and it changed the ending of our very bad day. i've always wanted to repay that gesture, and the only way i could was to do the same for someone else.
***
two weeks ago, my cousin had posted that three families lost their homes in fires. three weeks from christmas, in the dead of winter, they were living in an unfinished building without any insulation. i gathered the kids and told them about the families and what had happened.
the kids quickly gathered their blankets, clothes, and toys to donate to these families.
my heart must be mush, because their willingness to give everything they had, made me want to cry all over again.
the sunday before christmas, we stuffed our car with 6 rubbermaid boxes, and bags of food, and drove to my cousin's house.
we're new to the area, so we took a road we had never been on before.
it was a dirt road, and we prayed and prayed that our minivan would make it through.
luckily, it did (as we went 25 mph). we were even met by some friends.
it was a gorgeous drive, and we all really enjoyed the time spent together as a family.
i had never been to this area of the reservation.
we made it to my cousin's house, and dropped off the boxes and bags. mimzy did cry when she saw her toys taken away, but other than that, the rest of our hearts were happy.
i can never repay the kindness those secret santas showed me so many christmases ago, but i was grateful that i was able to help someone else in need and to lift another's burden just as mine was lifted.
the end.
