on being a mom

sunday

it was another gorgeous morning and we couldn't resist having breakfast on the patio. as we sat around the table, we played a game, of sorts. we each had to say something we liked about the person spotlighted. everyone had a turn in the spot light, and everyone had a turn to say something nice.

we liked isaiah's great dance moves.

we liked makayah's sense of humor.

we liked mimzy's cuddles.

we liked how daddy played games with us.

we liked how mo is just plain cute.

we liked how mommy reads bedtime stories in silly voices.

we each had to say something we liked about ourselves, as well.

i said i loved being a mama.

isaiah asked, "more than going out to movies?"

yes, more than going out to movies.

isaiah pondered this a little more and came back with, "but, if you weren't a mom, you could do anything you want. you could have fun and not clean and not worry about anything."

hhhmmm, well, in that case...

i'm kidding.

this little exchange reminded me of a recent conversation i had with one of my sweet sisters. she asked questions about "somedays" and "what ifs" and whether or not it was good or bad to want to be a working mother.

in all honesty, it's not a question that can easily be answered. there are so many factors that play into deciding the type of motherhood one chooses. and sometimes, there's not really a choice in the matter.

in any case, i think there are amazing mothers who work, who don't work, who work part-time, who have to juggle it all, the list can go on and on.

as a single college student, when i thought about my future life, i usually pictured a dog, an apartment, and my career. i loved working, i loved having co-workers, i loved listening to music in the morning while i prettied up for the day.

i enjoyed going to work, i looked forward to it. i worked up until my due date with isaiah, and waved a "see you later" to all my friends back at the joint.

it was two weeks later when i got a call from my boss. he asked if and when i would be returning to work. maybe it was the daunting task of finding a babysitter, or my sudden laziness in not wanting to get up and drive anywhere at 7am...

but i'm mostly certain my answer had to do with a new set of bewitching, midnight-black eyes. sweeping eyelashes that would tickle my cheek. warm, milky breath whirling into my neck. velvet soft skin against mine.

i was in love. truly in love.

i could see no possible way of leaving this vulnerable little person. i had no way of knowing the hold he would have over me. i felt i would die little by little all day long. the thought of enduring the miserable hours without him was enough for me to say, "sorry, i'm not coming back to work."

and there began my journey into full-time, stay-at-home mommy-hood.

no, it certainly didn't turn out to be the most glamorous of decisions. i vaguely remember possessing and wearing really cute clothes. click-clacking around in even cuter shoes. there was a time i couldn't function without 8 hours of sleep - i never knew it was humanly possible to go months with an average of 3 hours a night - and here i am, alive and well, alive.

for the past 8 years, since the very young age of 23, i've been a stay-at-home mom. yeah, there were times i worked here and there. i needed an outlet, i needed a change of scenery. i dabbled in various home businesses. the times i did have a "real job" was during sam's christmas break for two weeks, dressing up in heels and skirts to work the register at victoria's secret (if you can call that a "real job"). ;)

but, i always found myself wanting to go home, hoping sam wasn't just feeding bowl after bowl of cold cereal to the kids all day long.

he didn't, but still, i was happy to have the holiday rush over and the conclusion of my temporary job.

i wash my hands an average of 10 times a day because of the amount of poop i deal with.

my former bikini body is under post-baby boot camp after growing little people and eating more ice cream than i should have while doing it.

i get an average of 5-6 hours of sleep per night dealing with hungry babies, teething babies, sick babies, poopy babies, babies who had nightmares, and mostly now - just my own acquired insomnia as my brain is riddled with tomorrow's to-do list.

i forget to eat when i'm supposed to because i'm too busy preparing healthy meals for the kids, which eventually leads me to snacking on all the things i don't allow my kids to eat.

i forget my own name and birthday.

i forget the day and month and what the hell year is it anyway?

i've become a champion beneath-my-breath swearer. and sometimes, i'm not so good at that, either.

i lose my voice yelling because i'm deaf, or because the kids are, or my husband is. in any case, somebody is and my vocals just aren't what they used to be.

my hobbies are washing dishes, mopping floors, vacuuming carpets, doing laundry, and making semi-homemade meals just to keep up with my love of cleanliness. is it really too much to ask to eat off of clean dishes and walk on floors without my feet sticking to it?

 i say things like "potty" and "outfits" and "tootsies" - words that are inappropriate to use in real world, adult conversation.

i wear old university t-shirts with bucky badger or cosmo cougar printed on the front in case i have to emergency wipe snotty faces. sexy, i know.

but for every offering, there is gain.

there was purpose in poop-wiping. this little person needed me and that always felt good.

my babies rekindled my interest in running and i've since ran a marathon, the tough mudder, and currently in training for the chicago half - something my high school track coach could never have gotten me to do.
night is perfect for  sharing tender moments in the rocking chair, chubby hands grasping at my collarbone, the sounds of cooing and calm when hunger has been satisfied.
pieces of my brain may be on hiatus, but i now have extraordinary superpowers as my kisses heal wounds, my hugs cease sobbing babes. i have a sort of "spidey-sense" and i know when something sneaky or hurtful is about to happen. i can somehow carry a purse and two wiggling toddlers in my arms. talk about superhuman.

the birth of my photography business would never be without the inspiration from my children.
my babies are an incredible boost to my confidence. it doesn't matter that i don't look like a supermodel, as long as i dance with them during our dance parties - the sillier the better. and for right now, i'm the coolest, most beautiful person ever to them.
i may not be on stage, but as long as they keep making their lullaby requests, all is not lost.
i doubt i will ever regret that i didn't spend more of my life cleaning. tea parties and water fights are far more important anyhow.
somehow people find it entertaining that i can't find the age-appropriate words during adult conversations and i suppose that's a good thing, most times.
clean faces and snuggled babies are more important than high fashion could ever be, to me at least.
living in europe would've been so lonely without my little traveling companion, someone to visit the swans with while daddy was at work.
disneyworld isn't what it's supposed to be without hearing my daughter scream and jump, freaking out at the princess castle; my son with an ever-present grin eager to go on every roller coaster.
hawaii was 10x more fun splashing with my kids in the ocean.

i don't think there is any "right" way to be a mom. i most certainly have my bag heavy with the mistakes i've made throughout the years.
there are going to be ups and downs in life no matter what you do.

having babies required me to make certain sacrifices. it wasn't always pretty, and the fruits of my labor aren't always apparent. but as i look back at all the sweet moments i partook of, a smile does spread across my face. every moment, the terror of being a new mother, the first steps, the first words, mud-encrusted faces, every milestone is priceless and i was here for it. this was my own personal choice, a choice that fit our family best.
all one can hope is that love abounds in any parenthood-type you choose... 

love, patience, kindness, and forgiveness, especially forgiveness.
heaven help me, because i'm not a perfect mother.
i can hope to have at least won the "most improved" award, though, someday.

fridays are for fun

friday

fridays are for playing outside with bubbles.

and more bubbles.

for doing something with mom, like practicing a stitch - any kind of stitch will do.

and fridays are for pizza and family movies, because heaven knows mom needs a break from cooking at least once a week.

the end.

sunshine and soccer

thursday

our creative workshop consisted of beauty shop and doctor office today.

i started off beautifying samiyah's hair and mosiah immediately cut in, butting mimzy out of the way. okay, okay, i'll get to you. i brushed his hair, blew it dry, curled it, and plopped a wig on top of his head. he wouldn't take it off.

not even when he took his pig to see dr. mimz.

when the kids came home from school, we rushed to finish chores, and i packed up a picnic lunch.

today was soccer practice day.

this sunshine is amazing.

i ran around with the girls, swinging, playing lava tag, and having heart attacks as they climbed up slides and jumping from monkey bars.

daddy picked up the bikes from being tuned up, and mo picked up a helmet for himself.

now, we're all ready for summer bike rides!

the end.

in preparation...

wednesday

i'm prepping for summer school, aka mom camp.

i've been gathering items for our summer bucket list, fun things to keep our minds keen, and activities to keep our bodies active.

i am super excited about it all. i just can't wait for the kids' school to end now.

so far, our morning routine consists of yoga, morning songs, and interactive literature time.

samiyah does yoga in 5 second increments. we're working on lengthening that time.

sensory/discovery time with her nature box.

mosiah took a turn with the pinecone and decided to take the oral route.

mmm, pinecone.

side note: he now knows how to take his diaper off, and prefers this freedom over paper-wear.

hmmm. this might be a problem.

the end.

Umpa's bday

tuesday

the babies love when i race them into the store yelling out, "vvvvrrrroooommm!" like a race car. they think i'm the coolest, and i'd like to keep it that way.

by the end of shopping, samiyah jumps out and races to her dumbo ride. anything to keep her occupied while i unload the cart and pay.

i'm really trying to pick myself up from this winter, especially now that it's nice and sunny, and be more involved. some days are more successful than others. today was one of those successful days.

we read some books,

and did a little baking to go along with it.

she loves baking. she's messy with it, but she loves it.

today was my dad's birthday and i wanted to send him a picture message to let him know that we were all thinking of him on his special day.

it was pretty fun getting these shots. it's usually like trying to tackle down a frantic chicken, but i opted for the ease of my iphone camera - no fancy dslr and photoshop magic that would take 10x as long.

just point, click, filter click, and then send text message.

done!

we love you, umpa!

we also had the opportunity to facetime with this little beauty tonight.

she's our newest niece, hazel.

makayah looked at me teary-eyed and said, "mom, she's sooooo cute! it makes me want to cry. i love her so much!"

the end.

earth day shenanigans.

monday

sam and i are on a facebook fast. i feel like i waste so much valuable time on that website. the only real reason why i check fb anyhow is because i want to see what sam posts. what he's thinking, what he's doing. i miss him during the day. so, anyway, we logged off and yesterday was one of the most productive days i've had.

it must be a mixture of the onset of spring, but i felt fabulous!

i finally started a new and improved routine for the babies.

we ate breakfast, did morning animal yoga, read "the foot book" followed by tracing feet and coloring.

samiyah seemed to really enjoy all the activities. mosiah's favorite was singing time.

then, nap time for mosiah.

mimzy begged to go outside.

we both got our raincoats and rain boots on and took a nature walk. i didn't want to go outside at first, but once i was out, it felt nice. it wasn't as cold as it looked. it was a bit drizzly, but it was a warm, humid rain. we gathered earthy things and brought them inside to examine.

we named all the items.

sorted them.

counted them.

and tomorrow we will take a closer look with a magnifying glass.

mimz and i went downstairs. she played, i reorganized.

i feel like i'm always reorganizing. if something isn't flowing well, i have to make it flow better.

i hope this new set-up works out a little more smoothly for the kids.

next, laundry and sewing.

samiyah was thrilled with the "new" toys brought out of storage. 

when isaiah and makayah came home, they were pretty excited about their long lost toys, too.

there's still one box either in the shed or garage. i have to find it, and purge all remaining toys.

for now, they can enjoy playing with the entire hodge podge of it all.

although it was drizzly, when daddy came home, we all dressed to go outside for a family walk.

the sun, the warm air, and the family walks seemed a vague memory. and now that everything has warmed up - rainy, yes - but much warmer and steadily in the 40's, it feels so great!

i felt like a grizzly bear. winter is time i am groggy and slow and want to sleep all day. spring comes, and i am revived! fresh air is wonderful therapy.

the walk was lovely.

mimzy couldn't resist splashing in the puddles.

mosiah didn't make much noise, which i knew meant he was enjoying the outside time, too.

i love this photo of samiyah. she is so carefree and uninhibited.

this is the perfect example of loving life!

we walked down the street by our neighboring farm and pastures. it was a pretty sight after months of snow and ice. makayah has suddenly become a two wheelin' cruiser! she is so good at riding her bike.

atta girl, makayah!

isaiah is getting really great at his long board riding. he had a little spill, but he's so tough.

tonight after we put the kids to bed, sam and i began our official half marathon training.

we ran a 12 minute mile - much room for improvement, but i felt alive again!

running is good for the body and soul. 

thanks running endorphins - oh how i missed you!

sunday superheroes

sunday

as i got out of bed this morning, i leaned over to the window and pulled the curtain back.

snow. depressing snowstorm snow.

the very first minute, it began with flurries. five minutes in, it was a full on snowstorm with wind and gigantic snowflakes coming down in sheets.

i spoke too soon. there goes my spring.

it was almost depressing enough for me to threaten not going to church, despite 60% of our population who had already dressed for the occasion. darn.

i looked at the clock. i had slept in until 8am (bliss!), but somehow, the clock read 9:50. the speeding time was completely uncalled for and entirely unfair for a mother of 4 young ones.

mosiah was wailing - i had left his sight for one second, he's been going through a clingy phase.

samiyah was poopy, again.

makayah was adamant that i not touch her wild hair.

isaiah, well, isaiah was pretty much ready, though rightly upset when he found his ties smeared with discarded cutie clementine orange pulp that the babies no longer wanted.

i looked at the clock again as i came to rescue the wailing baby (actually, i just remembered he is teething. two on the front bottom sides, and one top molar. ouch).  so, i looked up, and the clock read 10:00. agh! "i'm going to miss the most important part of church now. we might as well not go."

i felt eyes dart my way. oops, nevermind! i'm JOKING! kind of.

i'm always disappointed whenever we miss sacrament. but before i let that get me down, i thought, you know, Heavenly Father knows exactly what we're going through right now. he knows we're really trying our best to get there on time. i don't have to try to explain my teething baby or poopy toddler, he gets it. he gets it all. the most important thing is keeping the happy spirit of love in our home - and me whining about being late is not going to help that spirit stay.

i changed my perspective and my attitude, and actually, didn't mind the rest of the sunday spent in the mother's lounge with all four kids and husband as we listened to the talks that morning. 

isaiah was the only one in his class - actually there were six kids all together. thankfully, my friend's two kids prevented my kids from being loners during church. i thought about how someday, my kids are going to remember the days when they were the only kids at church, and we went even when it was crappy weather outside, and even when they were the only kids there. and then they'll be thankful that we took the effort to do something special to keep the sabbath day holy.

i really hope so, anyway.

i ran home a little early to tidy up before our home teachers came. with all the hustle and bustle yesterday, i just didn't get to sweep up all the morning's granola off the living room rug (that's what happens when mom and dad sleep in). 

after a good visit and lesson on truth, tolerance, and being a good example, we finally relaxed and vegged out. the best part of the evening was when sam helped make superhero outfits for the kids.

he's a good daddy.

and when the kids went to bed, he made us our special date sandwiches.

he's a good husband, too.

i love you, sam.

i love you, kids.

the end.

silly saturday adventures, the start of soccer season

saturday

sunshine came bursting through our windows this morning.

glorious sunshine!

in all four years we've lived in wisconsin, there hasn't been a winter as drawn out as this one. i honestly can't remember it snowing past the beginning of march. and here we are, april, and it feels like december. so, this morning as we looked outside, we dressed excitedly for our first soccer practice of the season. soccer was supposed to start three weekends ago, but sparta just couldn't make up its mind. winter, spring, winter spring. snow, rain, snow, rain.

we've been cabin crazy with cabin fever if that makes any sense. there comes a time when winter, cold, ice, snow, and dreary skies wear out their welcome and no longer is it a magical wonderland.

ahhhh, sunshine.

so, we grabbed jackets and touques, and headed out.

it was quite the madhouse, since the season had lost a good 3 practices, it was a bundle of divvying out teams and coaches. once everyone was settled in their groups, the real fun began.

i'm certain with all the running, jumping jacks, and kicks, the kids didn't feel the icy air creep up on them like i did. the bly skies and sunshine deceived me. i had dressed for spring. light rain jacket, scarf, and rain boots. the first five minutes, the air only felt crisp. as i settled in to watch isaiah and makayah during practice, the air crept through my wind-resistant (however, not nearly cold-resistant as i would've liked) jacket, and deeper still through my wimpy skin, and finally further down, chilling my bones. i walked up and down the fields, back and forth from isaiah's practice to makayah's practice field trying to keep my blood warm and pumping. 

sam had taken the babies to a nearby bike shop and all i could think about were the minutes ticking closer to his arrival and the refuge of the heated van.

man, i've become such a wimp. 

sam came. i kept mosiah in the warm van with me, and sam braved the cold and bundled samiyah in isaiah's extra jacket (because she was only dressed for spring as well), and they played on the nearby playground.

lately, samiyah has been extremely interested in playing catch, dribbling basketballs, and kicking soccer balls. she shrieked out of delight when she saw everyone playing soccer, and for a minute i thought there would be disaster and destruction when we had to hold her off the fields, but thanks to this big blue dinosaur and other playground equipement, distraction prevailed. all was well.

sam spotted one of my friends, and because everyone was so bundled up, it was hard to tell who was who out there. i decided to sacrifice my comfy spot for the last part of practice, to visit. 

fairly soon after practice was over, we rushed the kids into the car, went back to the bike shop, found the perfect bike for me, raced home and packed up the swimming gear, and headed out to wisconsin dells. today was $6 day for all the elementary kids in sparta. great deal! 

we pulled up to the indoor waterpark, and samiyah yelled out, "wawa sides! i want to go on wawa sides, too!"

the place was pretty packed, but we really only needed the lazy river and children's pirate ship pool area. isaiah and makayah tried to get samiyah to go down the kiddie water slides, but she would not budge. no, no, no. mosiah enjoyed the bubbles, he was easy to please. when everyone had had their fill of water play, we showered off and got dressed back into our fall/winter clothes. that sounds much easier than it actually was. i only had the two girls; but trying to unstick wet suits from wet bodies, and then trying to dry off with damp towels accidentally dropped onto showered floors, and finally pulling on dry clothes over partially wet skin was like dressing cats. it wasn't as violent as that, but throw in uber-modest little girls, and it's a great big juggling act.

my legs burned from the half squats, my back ached from power cleaning girls into their diaper and jeans. humidity wasn't helping at all.

exhausting!

but, we made it out alive, and all were happy. phew.

the restaurant didn't open until 4:30, so we drove around town, taking in the river, tourist shops, and picking up dessert for on the way home.

the kids had never been to a japanese steak house and we were really excited for them. 

of course, the fire show was pretty amazing, and they were all wow'ed by the utensil throwing (i have to admit, that made me nervous with the babies around). luckily, no ones heads were chopped off, and nobody's clothes caught on fire.

actually, in this picture you can see their reactions a bit better. 

makayah pulls back, smart girl.

and brave little samiyah scoots in closer to blow the fire out.

isaiah doesn't look it in the photo, but he was fairly impressed. his eyes popped out of his head once or twice, and then he tried to play it cool. ;)

and mosiah, well, he was just there for the food.

it was a really fun day. tiring - water does that to ya - but really fun....

until the kids woke up from their 45 minute naps they had on the ride home.

oh boy, grumpy, grumpy, and sad! everyone was so tired, by 7pm, most everyone was asleep.

goodnight isaiah. goodnight makayah. goodnight samiyah, goodnight mosiah.

goodnight daddy. goodnight mommy.

the end.

rugs, bubbles, and a fun friday movie.

friday

isaiah's class had just read, "the goat in the rug." i actually own this book, and it's such a sweet story about a navajo woman who has a sheep, and goes through the process of making the sheep's wool into yarn for her rug. isaiah came home yesterday bubbling over, mom this, mom that, and mom you need to come to my school!

so i did. i brought my grandmother's rug, a small rug that i made and never finished when i was in 3rd/4th grade, and three different kinds of yarn (wool, polyester blend, and cotton).

two other classes came in for the presentation.

i've given a presentation on weaving/native americans/navajos almost every year we've been in wisconsin for my children's classes. i really, really love how wisconsin schools integrate the various cultures of their students into their curriculum.

i know it made isaiah feel very special, and i'm so glad i was able to be involved.

my only disappointment was that i had left so many presentation tools at my parent's home in arizona. i go home to visit almost every summer, and i really should gather everything and bring it to wisconsin.

oh well, next time. it was still a wonderful experience, and the kids loved it.

this photo is of the rug my masaani made.

it's a horse blanket, and it's one of my most treasured possessions.

45 minutes was all the time samiyah could stand sitting in one spot. so, it was time to say goodbye and be on our way.

we made our weekly trek to lacrosse for bulk grocery shopping and came home for bubble baths.

it is fun friday, after all.

isaiah and makayah also had bubble baths, but i let them enjoy it in peace.

we ate our dinner, popped some popcorn, and watched "the amazing spiderman."

it was much better than i thought it would be...

but mostly, it's just plain wonderful cuddling up with my family.

that's the best part.

biking and a damsel in distress

thursday

i've been trying to catch up on all the blog posts so i can print it out for the kids.

we have an old laptop that we don't use and i had given it to samiyah to play with.

mosiah had his own.

there, now we all can work together.

just like mommy.

the weather was nice outside (drizzly, but warm).

let's steal mommy's heels and take a walk in the mud.

sam took the older kids out for biking on our sleepy street. after these long months of not riding, i'm impressed with how great they are at it.

sam was busy safe guarding makayah's bike, so she rode the scooter.

reflectores, lights, sizing helmets.

i'm glad he's here to do these things.

samiyah was asked to stay out of the road. she didn't want to listen and shouted her thoughts clear and loud enough for all to hear, "NO!"

she had to come back inside for failing to obey the rules.

i was getting mosiah ready for bed, and mimzy had wanted attention from me.

suddenly there was a book flying towards my head.

i ducked, and it only hit my shoulder, but that was enough to send her off to bed "early."

it was 7pm, but it was still pretty bright out.

samiyah was heartbroken.

she climbed upon the dresser and yelled out, "zayah! i need you!"

sob, sob, sob.

"i need my zayah!"

i think she was hoping he'd come and rescue her.

alas, he could not hear her cries through the second story window.

poor gal.

i fed mosiah, kissed him goodnight, and put him down for bed.

i couldn't resist her cries. i went in and we read stories and cuddled.

during one of the stories, she pointed to jasmine and alladin and said, "mommy! daddy!"

that made me laugh.

all in all, it was a good day.

the end.

Wednesday milestones

wednesday

some days i have to be creative to keep this girl entertained.

the couch cushion came off and it was an instant indoor trampoline.

the weather was nice and we weren't going to let it pass us by.

mosiah was so happy about being outside, he did a little happy jig.

we met makayah and isaiah outside when the bus came to drop them off.

i always wonder why i never have very many pictures of isaiah and makayah. 

and then, to remedy that, i tried taking pictures of m. she looked away, "mom, i'm relaxing. stop taking pictures, that's enough."

for the rest of the afternoon, we rode scooters, ate yogurt and granola, looked for mimzy's ball.

"mom, where my ball go?"

and played with "swords."

isaiah is pretty obsessed with ninjas, and kung fu, and ip man.

i love my handsome boys.

daddy came home and began organizing the garage so we could fit the new canoe in there.

he said it's mosiah's birthday gift.

it seems he likes his gift.

we heard exciting news today. our new niece was born. her name is hazel. she is noble' and veronica's firstborn. she looks so sweet! the kids are thrilled to have another cousin. i think we're going to have to make plans to meet her soon. :)

i sat the kids down to pbs so i could get dinner ready.

and as we ate our chicken tandoori cabbage wraps, makayah lost her tooth!

unfortunately we couldn't find it. yikes!

but, i'm sure the tooth fairy won't mind.

...and mimz, she just wanted a picture, too.

the end.

turning one

it's kind of a big deal.

the days are long and the years (or year, in your case) are short.
sometimes the fading of baby days makes me sad.
but i simply remember my favorite things...

snuggle bug baby,

 kisses and hugs,

               

pomegranate toes and twinkling eyes,

soft pouty lips and long, black eyelashes,

claps, squeals and giggles, revealing six baby teeth.

sound sleeping breaths beneath moonlight beams

singing and dancing, babbling and cooing,

your heart beating next to mine...

i simply remember these favorite things,

and then i don't feel so bad.

happy birthday, mosiah.

go on,

grow up, little man.

we love you forever, and ever, and ever.