two days before friday, december 14th, my hands shook, my heart broke, and my eyes suddenly welled up with tears. the unexpected panic attacks frightened me. i looked around, terrified i might lose one of my children. the pain surged through my trembling soul just thinking about it. knowing that i could lose any one of these precious souls slowly broke my heart. it wasn't until sam came home and asked about my day that i fell into his arms and broke down completely.
i don't know what was wrong.
why was i feeling this and why now?
two days later, on friday, december 14, there was a shooting at an elementary school.
my heart broke all over again, this time for every child involved, for their families, for their pain and suffering, for what lay immediately ahead of them.
yes, i knew the little ones taken were safely with their maker, but it doesn't make their families miss them any less.
my soul was heavy with grief.
and just when things seem bleak and dreary, the clouds part and the sunshine has a chance to twinkle through.
we were grocery shopping as a family. a little girl came up to sam with a package and a note attached. she was performing 26 acts of kindness.
i was extremely humbled. the kindness and selflessness of this girl brought such an amazing amount of hope into this world for me. there is still so much good in this world there is still so much love. and just like that little girl, i need to do my part, and i need to teach my children to do theirs.
the next morning when samiyah wanted to "help" me with dishes, i said, why not? messes, suddenly, weren't such a big deal after all.
when it was time for our fun friday movie, i gathered my children close and held them tightly.
we made a trip out to green bay to see our extended family and friends. we took our time getting there, enjoying and appreciating the lovely views.
my beautiful babies.
the joking and laughter was a welcome relief from the troubles of the world. we didn't get to see everyone - some were sick and out of town. we cheered on the packers from the comfortable powless home. and we stayed the night with our good friend, sandy and her grandkids. :)
we made it back to sparta just in time to practice sitting reverently and quietly.
when church was over, we made cookies. samiyah was curious about the molasses (we made gingerbread men for our advent activity) and she dipped her hands into the bowl, and even with the hefty amount of molasses she sampled, she wasn't crazy about it.
fresh snow fell, and the kids dared each other to run out and smash their faces into the snow. it was hilarious.
for family home evening, we checked another item off our advent activity calendar. we went out for hot cocoa and donuts in wisconsin dells. then we bundled the kids up to go christmas shopping at the semi indoor outlets. it was cold, but we had a great time together.
this week, i am grateful for:
*my children.
*my husband.
*and for their safe-keeping.
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