withdrawals

it's been two weeks and still very difficult for the both of us. samiyah will smack me and yell at me, so upset and hurt. i feel so guilty and weak, about to throw my hands up in the air and give in. she'll take her bottle of formula, but it's just not the same. it's an incredibly tedious task to wake up at 5:45am and prepare a bottle of milk. i'd much rather pick her up, nurse, and be done. but those days are sadly gone. i didn't want to wean her so early, but because of the new baby, i just had to.

sam was getting after me for not being strict enough, and allowing TWO babies to suck all the energy out of me. it was very much a half hearted effort. isaiah was weaned at 15 months. makayah was weaned at 13. i felt like i was cheating samiyah out of her last month, and apparently, she felt the same way.

it hasn't been easy. i've been more diligent about the bottle for night-time feedings than i have for the morning feedings. yes, i've cheated. yes, i've cried. i know it's mostly the excess hormones, but it's really difficult letting my baby go, and making her grow up, and HAVING to wean her, and this "decision" not really being up to me or samiyah.

she has been my sweetest and easiest baby, and how do i repay her? i force her to become a toddler, and take away the one thing she wanted most. it had to happen sooner or later, i just wish it was later.