a healthy dose of honesty

several months ago i heard a radio interview with j.lo. the disc jockey asked her, "how do you do it all?" she laughed and said, "i just take it one moment at at time, and i enjoy every moment."

a few days ago, i was watching the daily show and jon stewart was interviewing her and he asked her, "when do you sleep?!"

she put on her happy face again, laughed again, and said, "it's so busy, but the twins are great travelers and i was afraid they'd be tired, but we all had so much fun..."

and everything was so perfect, yada, yada, yada, yada...

after both interviews i laughed, too. i laughed because, as great a mom as i'm sure j.lo is, that was all just a load of crap.

tiny tangent...but still related...

and then, there was some event that amy poeler gave a toast:

http://youtu.be/zpV6tsvn-WI

thank you, amy!

...which brings me to tonight's thoughts.

first off, i love my children. i truly love them. i would do anything and everything for them, and come to think of it, i practically have. there are days when the stars have aligned, when i pop out of bed full of energy and those pesky mom hormones (you know, the ones you don't realize are hounding you after you conceive a baby - and then think are gone after giving birth to the baby, but are still secretly lingering around until you finally decide to completely ween your baby off the teat?) - yeah, those hormones, are nowhere to be found - and i'm bubbly and sweet and patient and kind, and i create a wonderful day filled with hands-on activities or trips to the zoo or museum or park. the days are smothered with hugs and kisses, and topped off with an organically healthy and delicious homemade meal in my pristine kitchen, and it's then when i think, 

"damn, someone should give me an award."

BUT - yes, it's a big but - those days aren't every day. sprinkled into those fantastic days of award-worthy motherhood, are days i drag myself out of bed because i have to. i'd rather stay in bed and get an extra four hours of sleep because i had a teething baby the night before who needed comfort and cuddles, but the mornings require me to feed the older kids and send them off to school. days when time drags on and on, and all i want to do is turn on blues clues and let "joe" babysit my toddler because my energy and happy feelings have all been zapped. afternoons and evenings when i'm overwhelmed by housework and would rather not do it and just serve pb&j for lunch and dinner. nights when my patience has run thin and all i can do is count down to my children's bedtime before mom is turned into a monster.

does this make me a bad mom? absolutely not. it only makes me an honest one, a mom who can relate to all other moms, and even women in general. my friend wrote a post about how women do the most damage to other women - why is that? women feel this need to be perfect and sometimes better than another to feel validated. i thought about her post and realized i'm not always honest in my dealings. i carefully select images - the more perfect and happy images - of myself and my family, my mothering, my "wifery," my talents, and then display that for all to see. and it's so easy to get it out there. "look! look at me! i have perfect children. i'm the perfect mother, housekeeper, wife, etc." i laugh as i write this, because i know i have a very long ways to go before i am perfect in any of those things. and yet, to some degree, we all do this.

back to j.lo. like i said, i'm sure she tries her best, like all of us, to be the best person she can be. but does she really do it all, herself? and here's where damage can be done. women look to her and think she does it all. that her life is perfect. that she is perfect, and this dishonest portrayal starts to make us feel bad about ourselves and our weaknesses. why can't i bounce back that soon after having a baby? why can't i be a better mother like her? why can't i enjoy every single moment?

the truth is, no one does it alone. everyone has some kind of help, whether it's from a spouse, older children, siblings, parents, family members, friends...NANNIES, personal trainers, chefs, housekeepers, etc. no one does it all on their own, no one can. and it's all a load of crap if they say they do.

we all need help, we all need someone to say, "you're doing a great job, keep going."

do i do that for my fellow sister? am i quick to give encouragement? am i quick to give compliments? am i quick to give assistance?

there was a lady in the mall the other day, and i was in GNC looking for GNC type stuff when my two year old started having a meltdown. i tried calming her down when i overheard an older woman glance over at me and say, "ugh, what was that? i can't hear you with that kid screaming!"

i stayed longer than i was going to, just to irritate her more.

when i grow up, i don't want to forget my struggles. i don't want to be those nagging women who forget how hard times were, forgetting how imperfect raising children and living life really was. i want to be the person who says, "you're doing great." the person who opens the door for the mother struggling to steer a double stroller past. the person who gives out compliments, freely and with sincerity, lifting up people's spirits.

there's no need to feign perfection - especially in motherhood/womanhood. we are all sisters. we all struggle. we all need someone to connect with.

today, i really wanted it to be one of those award-winning days. it wasn't. i was tired and cranky. the house was a wreck. the baby was sad and teething. we were late for church and i really didn't want to be for the 4th sunday in a row. the kids were fighting about silly things like chores and who does what and "mom this, and mom that!" it all sounded like nails on a chalkboard. my head was pounding. we were all suffering from cabin fever...and i had to enforce an early bedtime because i just couldn't take it anymore. 

just before bed, isaiah asked if we could hit the restart button. and makayah asked if we could do all the fun things we were going to do tonight, tomorrow. yes, and yes.

thank goodness for restart buttons and tomorrows, because tomorrow i have some making up to do.