an awakening

i watched a documentary this evening at the law school. i was tired and would've preferred to have stayed home. but, i went. i'm so glad i did.

the documentary was called, "homeland." you can see clips of it here. or if you'd like to see the documentary in full, it is available on netflix. anyway, long story short, it was about several indigenous tribes in the u.s. fighting against harmful companies trying to exploit their natural resources and, in the process, doing great harm to their entire way of life.

lately, i've been thinking of what my role is in life. many themes, ideas, visions, dreams, and inspirations keep coming back to my mind pushing me in the direction i know i am supposed to be going - but, have yet to act upon. maybe i am afraid. maybe i am overwhelmed. maybe i am just plain slothful and let distractions get the best of me. in any case, the little tug to my shoulder has become a push, and maybe i am ready to act.

i've always known that there is a reason for everything. a reason why i was brought up on the navajo reservation. a reason why i had the parents i did. a reason why i went to the university i did and graduated in the field that i did. there is a reason for everything. and until now, i really haven't looked at the importance of any of these reasons.

it's easy to ignore the sufferings of my indigenous peoples when i am far away. it's easy to forget the poverty, the abuse, the sub-standard living conditions and challenges my people face when, at present, my life is quite luxurious compared to theirs. all i have to do is turn the news off, turn my head, and it's gone.

but, like i said earlier, the tugs on my shoulder have turned to full-on pushes and shoves. lately i've been reminded, whether through documentaries on the pine ridge reservation (click here for clips) or through the environmental struggles my people are facing, that i can't just turn my head any longer. i know better.

i know my people will blossom as rose. i know that one day, they will no longer be a broken people. i know they are a covenant people promised great blessings. i know that as many people who do know this, there are still many more who don't. imagine the children of the pine ridge reservation having the knowledge of how special they are and how great they are to become - the power they'd have to change their lives and the lives around them. i know these great things won't come to pass by waiting on the sidelines for someone else to spread this great knowledge of the gospel, and it is up to us to change that.

my father attended the holbrook boarding school when he was young. he had a football coach who used to throw him to the ground and call him a dirty indian who would never amount to anything. my dad has owned three businesses, one of which he sold to begin his two recent businesses. both my parents were very poor growing up. they grew up in broken families, riddled with alcohol and physical abuse from their fathers. my dad went into business, not to get rich, but to create employment for the people on the reservation. he sacrifices his time, his wealth, his resources for those in need. growing up, we were always asked to give of our personal belongings to families who lost their homes in fires, or families going through tough times. it was something that we just did without question. both he and my mother are truly devoted to helping our people blossom as a rose.

unfortunately, i have not been as diligent. i can admit that i've grown selfish, slothful, and ignorant. i have become the person who passes the beaten man along my path and says aloud, "i hope someone helps him." and then proceed on my way. i'm too busy. i'm doing enough. i'm too tired. there are endless excuses, if and when i need them.

thankfully, i have amazing examples in my life to remind me of what i need to do to change and be a better person. one of which, is my husband. there are countless times when he has stopped his car, whether on the side or middle of the road, to help someone in need. i have often sat in silence and awe at his courage to take action when no one else would - me included.

so, with all of these reminders of the challenges the children of lehi are facing, whether in north america, south america, or the islands...i've realized something very important. i'm not here to wait for things to happen and change. i'm here to take part in the building of zion. i'm here to make a difference and change the ill circumstances my people endure. i'm here to use my talents and give of them, lest they be taken from me.

i've been asked many times if i am going to move back to the reservation. sometimes i'm afraid to think about moving my children to an environment where schools now lack teachers (and even certified teachers, at that), where gang activity flourishes, and where my children will be faced with challenges and temptations they wouldn't otherwise face, in say, utah - or even here in madison. yes, i grew up and survived the reservation life. i wouldn't change one piece of it. it's different as a mother, now. but if all the good people are taken from a place already so desperately in need, what is left?

sam and i have talked so many times about the future of our family, and what our roles and purposes are. i know we are going to be involved, not only in our own respective reservations, but as many others as we need to, to help make a significant change with whatever resources and talents we have to offer. our time of preparation is coming to a close in approximately 7 months, and then it will be time to take real action. there is a reason i graduated with a degree in early childhood education. and there is a reason sam will have his law degree. there is a reason that so many of our friends and family have done the same.

i can watch these heartbreaking documentaries now and take comfort in the fact that, today, i will take action. today, i will not be too busy to help my people blossom. today i will not be afraid to let my people know that they are not broken, and in fact, a very special people destined to do great things.